EPTOn February 20 2010 18:04 alffla wrote:
is this some kinda matrix-y thing lol
is this some kinda matrix-y thing lol
No, it's some kind of zombie thing. Zombies need him to constantly donate blood or something
A Perfect Life - Page 2
| Blogs > DoctorHelvetica |
|
Hornett
United States17 Posts
No, it's some kind of zombie thing. Zombies need him to constantly donate blood or something | ||
|
virpi
Germany3599 Posts
| ||
|
love1another
United States1844 Posts
| ||
|
kyzers0ze
Singapore1073 Posts
| ||
|
samachking
Bahrain4949 Posts
| ||
|
new_construct
Canada1041 Posts
On February 20 2010 22:27 Hornett wrote: No, it's some kind of zombie thing. Zombies need him to constantly donate blood or something I believe it is vampires not zombies. Zombies are stupid and don't drink blood. | ||
|
Wasper
United States2 Posts
On February 21 2010 01:33 new_construct wrote: I believe it is vampires not zombies. Zombies are stupid and don't drink blood. Your mom is stupid and doesn't drink blood | ||
|
Intr3pid
Switzerland336 Posts
| ||
|
il0seonpurpose
Korea (South)5638 Posts
| ||
|
DoctorHelvetica
United States15034 Posts
On February 21 2010 07:57 il0seonpurpose wrote: Can you explain it please? I wrote a post-apocalyptic vampire short story on /x/ but it wasn't recieved well because I emphasized the vampire thing to much and the ending felt forced. So I revised it into this, where it's sort of a vampire matrix where the vampire society desperately need to keep the last living human in a delusional fantasy world so they can harvest his blood. I wanted to make it subtle though. The syringe they inject him with is the drug that makes him project his inner desires into reality, thus giving him the "perfect life" | ||
|
DoctorHelvetica
United States15034 Posts
| ||
|
Jonoman92
United States9108 Posts
A few of the modifications I noticed: "He was shocked the elevator still worked. The walls were tattered and brown, paint peeling off the ceiling. Dust covered everything, it was hard to breathe. Was this reality? Was his perfect world just a dream?" "The creature on the left. Was that Jack? His smile was full of malice, his teeth replaced by rows of fangs." "It's very important that you do, just think of all the sick people who need it!" She said quite seriously. What a wonderful woman who cares so much about others." I'm not a writer at all though... but imo they just don't add much. Especially that last one about his wife. | ||
|
Jonoman92
United States9108 Posts
"Don't Worry. Everything will be as happy as can be." I feel like that makes what is going on too obvious. Blatantly telling the reader what is going on makes it so they don't get to realize it themselves. Just my 2 cents. | ||
|
ShaLLoW[baY]
Canada12499 Posts
You wrote this? I was trawling various creepypasta sources and thought this one was particularly good. Nice work, dude  | ||
| ||
