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Hi everyone, this is my first blog here on TL so I'm not sure how exactly to do this. So I guess I'll start off with a little of storytelling.
I have never had a girlfriend/dated and has never been popular around girls. In high-school I was quite socially awkward around people outside of my group of friends and I never really knew how to hold a conversation with a girl. I was a geek, overweight(but not obese) and awkward Asian. After when I finished high school and entered into my first year of University my life has totally changed. I become more confident when talking to people, not creeping people out on first impression and I have become a much more relaxed person in general. All of this changed due to me totally falling head over heels for a girl that I had met from a friend in the first semester of University.
Let's call her "C" for now. She was a gorgeous Chinese girl that happened to come with a friend into our study group. When I first saw her, I totally completely fell for her at first sight. She had dimples when she smiled, she was the type to not be noisy and loud, her body was fabulous and to top it off she had the "Fob" flair that was SUUUPER attractive to me. To those who do not know what "Fob" is, it is a term that describes an East Asian that is not Americanized. Anyways on with the main story. While she was sitting with us and studying with our group, I tried SUPER hard to talk to her but to be honest I did not know to talk to girls at all so I ended up failing pretty hard at making conversation with her. When she left with my friend, I knew that I had to try and go after her and eventually ask her out.
I tried really hard, I eventually got her cellphone number(I dont even remember how) and I tried to get to know her through text and eventually added her on facebook and tried talking to her everyday. Hell, since I barely saw her at school I tried to find out what times she went to the gym to work out so I could come and talk to her. Looking back at my past self I'm literally embarrassed for myself as I write this. Reality eventually kicked in:
She.Was.Not.Interested.At.All. Zip, Zero, Nada. I was really enthusiastic at the time as I thought that I could become some kind of "Ideal Caring Guy" for her but that pretty much backfired and creeped the shit out of her as it seemed I was barging into her life. I found out that I was "Creepy and Annoying" by reading a text on my friends phone of their conversations together. She bought the new IPhone 4S at the time, I slid to unlock and I fell upon their conversation and first thing on the screen was this.
For simplicities sake my friend will be known as "K":
K: So what do you think of him so far?(Aka Me)
C: He's so creepy and annoying
After reading that, I literally felt my heart being CRUSHED. I was pretty mum for the rest of the day and I was depressed to the point where I didn't even eat. When I got home that day I swore to myself that I was going to workout, lose weight and become the ideal guy and make her jealous that she ever thought of me that way. I worked out everyday, I did P90X right before I went to bed, I hardly ate and I spent a lot of time to my self during this process. It lasted for around 3-4 weeks and I started fitting into my old clothes from years back again. My waist line went from size 36" all the way down to a size 33".
During this time, I got one of my guy friends to become closer with her and the irony was that she fell in love with him. However that's a story for another time but because of my friend me and her become more comfortable with each other to the point where I could drive her home with no one else with us in the car from when we hung out. However, long story short after going for this period for a span of 8 months... let's just say drama happened between friends and hearts were broken and played with and now "C" has boyfriend presently and extremely hates one of my friends.
I was still the "Quiet" but slightly much less awkward guy. I had learned how to talk to girls to some extent to the point where we could comfortably become friends but to be honest I've always wanted a Girlfriend. Someone who was there for me, someone to spend time with and just someone to fall in love with. I didn't know how my other friends did it, it seemed to me that picking up girls was a task that any guy can do except for me. It made me feel extremely inadequate and depressed to the point where I broke down in tears one day at how I couldn't be "Smart, Good looking and confident" and at how I was so "Inferior" to all of the other males around me. Because of this I turned into a VERY...shallow person. I told myself that looks were all that mattered and tried so hard to make myself look good everyday. In all of my life, all of the girls that I have liked in elementary, junior-high and high school has either rejected me, creeped out and flat out declined me. It was something that just took over control of my life and frustrated me so much.
Eventually I discovered "NoFap" linkhere. To sum it up, it is a quick description of what porn and the actions associated with it does to you. The consequences were, "Willpower erosion", hypersensitivity to porn, ADHD like symptoms, social anxiety, performance anxiety, OCD and depression. All of this literally summed me up to a T. I was a frequent and chronic masturbater and It was literally ruining my life. Procrastination issues in school, little will power to do assignments and study and the issues that plagued with my problems with women.
I had to stop. Fast forward to my second year in a new University. I had just transferred to another University to explore a new field of study in the same city. I still hung out with my friends from the previous University and It was just a new place to start my life over again. I began the 90 day no fap challenge and i am currently 2 months in. To sum it up, I FEEL like a completely different person now. I'm super confident, I'm super social with everyone I meet, talking to women is a daily thing for me. Back when I was chronically masturbating and watching porn I would wake up with massive headaches, feeling depressed and unmotivated. Now I get none of that when I start my days. I have never felt that level of depression that hit me a year back with "C" for a very long time and for the first time in my life I can safely say that this is the closest feeling that I have had to being happy.
I joined a new club at my new school and during our first club meeting my eyes fell upon a girl whom I thought was extremely attractive. I began talking to her and we exchange numbers. Since we had mutual friends we ran into each other at school for the next 3-4 days, on Friday when we were studying together with a friend who eventually had to leave early it become just me and her sitting alone at our study table. I told I was bored and invited her to go shopping with me and she accepts. A week later we've gone to bubble tea cafes and went for a haircut/dinner together just by ourselves. Obviously this girl was a little confused at how fast we got to know each other and start hanging out. Let's call her "A". After a week of knowing her I decided in my mind that I was going to ask her out. On the day before Valentines day me and her hung out, ate dinner and agreed to study together as midterms were quickly approaching. While we were studying together she asked me if I was using her to not appear "Lonely" to other people. My reply to her was literally asking her out to a date next week.
If this was the me a year ago, I would of literally shat my pants when I thought of the question. It literally took no effort for me to ask her and frankly deep inside I had come to terms with rejection so I wouldn't have been hurt if she had said no. Her answer was a yes. I cut studying short and left half an hour after asking her. I felt amazing. My first yes at the age of 19. Someone that was even a little interested/intrigued in me. I bought her valentines chocolate the next day, she told me that a guy has never given her chocolates on valentines before. I felt like a boss.
However, there were things that were bothering me still. I'm a complete noob. My kiss was to "C" at a party at my house which I was too nervous to even give a kiss to so we just touched lips. I literally have no experiance with women. I'm a 19 year old virgin that has never had a girlfriend, dated and never gave a real kiss. "A" is an experienced girl, she's had a couple of boyfriends and obviously not a virgin. I didn't really care about her past relationships because her personality overlooked her past but It still bothers me at how little experience I have. She likes to poke fun at my inexperience by asking me if I even knew how to cuddle as a joke.
Another thing that bothered me was that she agreed with her friends that she had to be single for "3 Months" due to how she rushes into relationships that end up failing. Me and her are not girlfriend/boyfriend, we are casually dating. I'm allowed to go out on dates with other girls and she's allowed to out on dates with other guys if she's interested but the rule was that we had to let each other know if we ever become girlfriend/boyfriend with someone. However I'm not seeing anyone else and she also told me that she isn't seeing anyone else(currently) as well. This bothers me a little, what if some other guy comes a long and takes her away? How do I get her to chase after me? What I do to not mess this up? This is currently where I'm at right now. At the same time I don't want to rush with her but at the same time I am really attracted to her and it would make me jealous if she went on dates with other guys. I don't know when I should even ask her that me and her should be exclusively dating. We talk on the phone for hours before we go to bed and we've agreed to let each other know right away if we should just stay friends or if we become uninterested.
This is pretty much my life story with women from past to present. Thanks for giving it a read everyone. Any tips and Advice would be extremely helpful as well ^^. Writing this allows me to look back to who I was and Who I am now.
  
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Take it slow and just be yourself. Improve yourself all the time, but don't do it to get her to chase you, do it to make yourself better. If it makes her more attracted to you, great, if it doesn't, move on.
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This doesn't make sense. You say you're super confident now but this blog doesn't seem super confident.
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It's a mini recollection of my past history and new problems that have come up with it haha. I'm confident in approaching and talking but when it comes to something that I havn't had experience in it's natural to become a little unconfident.
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As a fellow 19 year old who went through the same problems first year of college, here's some tips to getting experience with your second kiss, since kissing seems like an unclimbable mountain to you right now. Get girl and you alone. Do something YOU like doing together,like bring girl over to house and we play wii or something(under the pretense of "studying" if you want), so you're having lots of fun, so you lose your nervousness and stop thinking. Then while you guys are having fun, laughing, incorporate light touching with the girl. Like light pushing, mercy position hand grabbing, hip bumps, high5's, etc, get the shit physical and flirty. Somewhere along the line, either she just stares at you, or you stop and stare at her for a few seconds. Then just go in for kiss. And if you still feel good, not nervous, etc, then since it's your first time, just look at her deeply in the eyes, and go further, like more heavy making out, and getting on top of her, just lifting both your shirts up a little to get skin on skin contact, then go further. If she like flat out says no, then say ok, and just back off and try again another time, if she likes it, you got sex. But just go for it, and get more experience. If you're really good at talking to girls, then next step is getting good flirting with girls, with your eyes and light touching. And once you get good at that, all you have to do is get girls to be alone with you, and then you have sex a lot of the time.
Also, you should not get hung up on one girl and try to flirt with a lot of girls because if that girl says no or something, you have back up, and even if she says yes, and becomes your 6 year girlfriend, after you break up with her, you're still going to suck with other girls.
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I think bigtony has great advice.
I found out that I was "Creepy and Annoying" by reading a text on my friends phone of their conversations together.
This was funny. I don't know if anyone thinks of me the same way. I think everyone has feelings about wanting to be socially acceptable at some point in their lives. Some get over them, some lose a large degree of the desire to be cool.
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On February 21 2013 13:07 ProV1 wrote:
As a fellow 19 year old who went through the same problems first year of college, here's some tips to getting experience with your second kiss, since kissing seems like an unclimbable mountain to you right now. Get girl and you alone. Do something YOU like doing together,like bring girl over to house and we play wii or something(under the pretense of "studying" if you want), so you're having lots of fun, so you lose your nervousness and stop thinking. Then while you guys are having fun, laughing, incorporate light touching with the girl. Like light pushing, mercy position hand grabbing, hip bumps, high5's, etc, get the shit physical and flirty. Somewhere along the line, either she just stares at you, or you stop and stare at her for a few seconds. Then just go in for kiss. And if you still feel good, not nervous, etc, then since it's your first time, just look at her deeply in the eyes, and go further, like more heavy making out, and getting on top of her, just lifting both your shirts up a little to get skin on skin contact, then go further. If she like flat out says no, then say ok, and just back off and try again another time, if she likes it, you got sex. But just go for it, and get more experience. Most important thing.
Feels good to change like that in a year right? Haha. That's rushing it a little though, something that she doesn't want.
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Good for you man, glad to hear a decent success story. Sounds like you did a good job turning your hurt feelings into motivation for improving yourself which isn't a very easy thing to do, so kudos.
I hate to admit it, but I'm 25 and still so far behind the game with girls. Never dated, never ... well anything really other than some chats with girls. Tried putting myself out there a little more this valentines day by giving a gift to my crush and while she told me it was cute and made her smile I don't get the feeling she was really interested (could be that she just feels awkward since we work together, which is the reason why I gave her a gift rather than just asking her out). Pretty silly but it felt like progress for me. Sorry didn't mean to hijack your thread to talk about myself, but just saying it's good your working on yourself now kus it definitely gets harder as you get older (mostly kus you feel more like a loser for being my age and still totally inexperienced with girls).
Best of luck.
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If you like the girl, and she likes you, you should just lead as a man and go for it. She's not going to magically just put all the pressure of moving things forward off of you, and just magically be okay with kissing you, and just get down her knees and suck your dick and tell you make things happen and take your virginity away. Idk, it seems like you're worried about her being taken by someone else, and since time is not on your side, you should just go for it. Sorry if I sound harsh.
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On February 21 2013 13:37 ProV1 wrote:Show nested quote +On February 21 2013 13:15 DauBo wrote:On February 21 2013 13:07 ProV1 wrote:
As a fellow 19 year old who went through the same problems first year of college, here's some tips to getting experience with your second kiss, since kissing seems like an unclimbable mountain to you right now. Get girl and you alone. Do something YOU like doing together,like bring girl over to house and we play wii or something(under the pretense of "studying" if you want), so you're having lots of fun, so you lose your nervousness and stop thinking. Then while you guys are having fun, laughing, incorporate light touching with the girl. Like light pushing, mercy position hand grabbing, hip bumps, high5's, etc, get the shit physical and flirty. Somewhere along the line, either she just stares at you, or you stop and stare at her for a few seconds. Then just go in for kiss. And if you still feel good, not nervous, etc, then since it's your first time, just look at her deeply in the eyes, and go further, like more heavy making out, and getting on top of her, just lifting both your shirts up a little to get skin on skin contact, then go further. If she like flat out says no, then say ok, and just back off and try again another time, if she likes it, you got sex. But just go for it, and get more experience. Most important thing. Feels good to change like that in a year right? Haha. That's rushing it a little though, something that she doesn't want. I don't know your situation since I never met you, only thing I've done is read a blog that you wrote. But supposedly "dating" a girl for like a while now, and all you do is talk and don't even kiss... That doesn't even sound like casual dating to me. That just sounds like a girl hanging around with another girl.
I suppose we do hug after each and every date? I was kidding, you made a good point. We've had 2 dates so far? I'm planning to do a casual night out by having dinner then hit the pool hall later so that sounds like a good place to be touchy.
On February 21 2013 13:29 Tictock wrote:
Good for you man, glad to hear a decent success story. Sounds like you did a good job turning your hurt feelings into motivation for improving yourself which isn't a very easy thing to do, so kudos.
I hate to admit it, but I'm 25 and still so far behind the game with girls. Never dated, never ... well anything really other than some chats with girls. Tried putting myself out there a little more this valentines day by giving a gift to my crush and while she told me it was cute and made her smile I don't get the feeling she was really interested (could be that she just feels awkward since we work together, which is the reason why I gave her a gift rather than just asking her out). Pretty silly but it felt like progress for me. Sorry didn't mean to hijack your thread to talk about myself, but just saying it's good your working on yourself now kus it definitely gets harder as you get older (mostly kus you feel more like a loser for being my age and still totally inexperienced with girls).
Best of luck.
One of the things I've changed out myself was that I let girls know of my intentions from the start by flirting and doing things in the first week. How long have you known her for? If its anything for more than a month or two with no hint of romantic interest she probably thinks of you as a friend.
On February 21 2013 13:37 ProV1 wrote:
Gl with whatever you do in the future man.
Thanks! I'll be updating this blog a lot throughout my journey/progress.
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My advice: fake it till you make it. I live by this, and it's gotten me very far. The first girl I slept with thought I was an absolute player, due to confidence, and on the 4th or 5th time we were together alone cuddling I just threw out 'should I get the condom.' her response, 'I'm not that easy.'
The next chance together, she asked when was the last time I had sex. I hesitated, and she though '2 days? 2 weeks?' I said 'never' and she couldn't believe it. She liked me way more for it, too. I guess her being my first was arousing.
Just saying you can pretend to be confident without being arrogant, and even if your shaking inside just fuckin jump in there!
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On February 21 2013 13:41 DauBo wrote:Show nested quote +On February 21 2013 13:29 Tictock wrote:
Good for you man, glad to hear a decent success story. Sounds like you did a good job turning your hurt feelings into motivation for improving yourself which isn't a very easy thing to do, so kudos.
I hate to admit it, but I'm 25 and still so far behind the game with girls. Never dated, never ... well anything really other than some chats with girls. Tried putting myself out there a little more this valentines day by giving a gift to my crush and while she told me it was cute and made her smile I don't get the feeling she was really interested (could be that she just feels awkward since we work together, which is the reason why I gave her a gift rather than just asking her out). Pretty silly but it felt like progress for me. Sorry didn't mean to hijack your thread to talk about myself, but just saying it's good your working on yourself now kus it definitely gets harder as you get older (mostly kus you feel more like a loser for being my age and still totally inexperienced with girls).
Best of luck. One of the things I've changed out myself was that I let girls know of my intentions from the start by flirting and doing things in the first week. How long have you known her for? If its anything for more than a month or two with no hint of romantic interest she probably thinks of you as a friend.
We've known each other for a long time (almost a year), so yea we're pretty much just work buddies. I definitely showed interest and pursued her when we first met, but then I found out she was dating someone already and pulled back. After she stopping seeing that guy we had known each other for several months and by then I felt like it was too weird with the working situation, which I now regret as my feelings hadn't really changed. Now things are at a point where if we were even to start seeing each other it would mean one of us has to leave as I'm technically her superior, so pretty unlikely anything will happen. Sucks it's hard for me to get over my feeling for girls, especially with us seeing each other fairly often but I hold out hope that I'll get over it and find someone new.
Thanks for the response.
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On February 21 2013 13:55 run.at.me wrote:
My advice: fake it till you make it. I live by this, and it's gotten me very far. The first girl I slept with thought I was an absolute player, due to confidence, and on the 4th or 5th time we were together alone cuddling I just threw out 'should I get the condom.' her response, 'I'm not that easy.'
The next chance together, she asked when was the last time I had sex. I hesitated, and she though '2 days? 2 weeks?' I said 'never' and she couldn't believe it. She liked me way more for it, too. I guess her being my first was arousing.
Just saying you can pretend to be confident without being arrogant, and even if your shaking inside just fuckin jump in there!
THIS.
This was what I was doing before I asked her out. She thought it was adorable at how inexperienced I was after when she found out.
[/QUOTE]
We've known each other for a long time (almost a year), so yea we're pretty much just work buddies. I definitely showed interest and pursued her when we first met, but then I found out she was dating someone already and pulled back. After she stopping seeing that guy we had known each other for several months and by then I felt like it was too weird with the working situation, which I now regret as my feelings hadn't really changed. Now things are at a point where if we were even to start seeing each other it would mean one of us has to leave as I'm technically her superior, so pretty unlikely anything will happen. Sucks it's hard for me to get over my feeling for girls, especially with us seeing each other fairly often but I hold out hope that I'll get over it and find someone new.
Thanks for the response.[/QUOTE]
I'm far from being the god of romance but that definitely sucks. I think it's close to being a lost cause unless you somehow get her to chase after you for whatever reasons.
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Hey man... Good job! You should not aim to try to make her chase after you. Be gentle and she will be crazy about you for sure! Love takes its time. I had the same situation last year. Only difference is that I'm one year up on you. Never been with a girl, never kissed etc.
Now I've been together with the girl for almost 8 months. Living together and enjoying our time. Might not last forever but I like being with her. She also came fron a old relationship and I simply gave her the time she needed. We hung out for three months without even kissing ^^.
You will be fine. Just let it take its time and and be sweet and kind to her and you cannot fail!
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Dont rush with sex, never gets you anywere but a failed relationship. If you believe the "Nofap" had effect on you, sex will definitly not make a much other difference than faping I think. Focus on building the attraction on other factors than sex to early.
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"cupid, the little fellow hates neediness" -Tom Robbins. So basically you can't need her or else you know what you'll be?
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creepy and annoying
The hardest thing will be not needing her. So the way to do this is
1) workout, eat healthy.
2) know how to have fun without her and draw and give love from/to those who are already around.
3) be less egotistical ie needing less validation that you're awesom
e 4) remember what Prov1 said. I'm kind of guessing that she is driving this thing along with her experience being in 3 relationships before this. So if you learn how to get some .. physicality going.. i think you'll be even more confident. confident enough not to need her.
5) remember that one wants what one cannot have. You've had trouble with dating in the past that you have admitted has led to an obsession. Along with that, our media/entertainment is constantly telling us that this is the most important type of a relationship.. I'm not saying it isn't hte most important.. i'm just saying rememebr what is your own idea.
GL
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On February 21 2013 18:10 ThePhan2m wrote:
Dont rush with sex, never gets you anywere but a failed relationship. If you believe the "Nofap" had effect on you, sex will definitly not make a much other difference than faping I think. Focus on building the attraction on other factors than sex to early.
Sex, early and often imo. Even if a girl doesn't like you that much initially, if you sleep with her she'll often justify it to herself as 'I must really like this guy' rather than thinking 'wow, i'm so easy'. My more successful relationships have all started with getting the physical side/tension out of the way early before awkwardness sets in.
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On February 21 2013 22:50 Scarecrow wrote:Show nested quote +On February 21 2013 18:10 ThePhan2m wrote:
Dont rush with sex, never gets you anywere but a failed relationship. If you believe the "Nofap" had effect on you, sex will definitly not make a much other difference than faping I think. Focus on building the attraction on other factors than sex to early. Sex, early and often imo. Even if a girl doesn't like you that much initially, if you sleep with her she'll often justify it to herself as 'I must really like this guy' rather than thinking 'wow, i'm so easy'. My more successful relationships have all started with getting the physical side/tension out of the way early before awkwardness sets in.
Well, if there has been many "more successful relationships", they werent really successful at all since I assume they are non-existant now? The fewer the relationships, the better. Dont get controlled by your dick, but control your dick. It's easy to excuse the lack of control with saying that sex is good always.
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On February 21 2013 22:08 Japhybaby wrote:
"cupid, the little fellow hates neediness" -Tom Robbins. So basically you can't need her or else you know what you'll be?
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creepy and annoying
The hardest thing will be not needing her. So the way to do this is
1) workout, eat healthy.
2) know how to have fun without her and draw and give love from/to those who are already around.
3) be less egotistical ie needing less validation that you're awesom
e 4) remember what Prov1 said. I'm kind of guessing that she is driving this thing along with her experience being in 3 relationships before this. So if you learn how to get some .. physicality going.. i think you'll be even more confident. confident enough not to need her.
5) remember that one wants what one cannot have. You've had trouble with dating in the past that you have admitted has led to an obsession. Along with that, our media/entertainment is constantly telling us that this is the most important type of a relationship.. I'm not saying it isn't hte most important.. i'm just saying rememebr what is your own idea.
GL
This. This was what I had to do in order to pretty much get back on the radar again with "C" in my second semester of University.
I'm surprised at the amount of posts I've been getting at this thread it's definitely helpful for when I go out with her tonight. I'm not interested in rushing sex with her as some of you pointed out to do but I I'm going to be physical as shit tonight and go in for a kiss.
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lol /facepalm. "I'm going to be physical as shit tonight and go in for a kiss." I don't mean to be harsh but jesus christ. I guess some people mature on a totally different timeline. You've been masturbating for how many years now?? Honestly, you've been ready for sex since the first few times you busted a nut. There's nothing to rush! Cat's been out the bag homie! Fuck her if she wants to fuck. If she doesn't, do whatever else you are interested in doing. Remember, women like to be desired. Unless she's really prude, a chaste kiss is the least of her fantasies.
Don't try to tell yourself you're being a gentleman or some shit. Women don't like gentlemen unless they're holding doors, paying for dinners, and buying her Louboutins. When it comes to sex, women like rabid animals who tear their clothes off and muss up their hair. I can't even begin to say how many times a girl has out of nowhere just said early on in a date "I'm not going to have sex with you" and then by the end of the night sure enough I'm creeping out the bedroom closing the door softly behind me.
To be fair, there are different schools of seduction I guess, but I'm not a big fan of the whole sweet and kind thing. Funny, charming, tender, yes, but once she's having a good time, I say just go gorilla and maul her. Let your instincts take over. Do NOT think about how inexperienced you are. The mating ritual is something even fire ants can do. It is not complex.
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EPT
