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Well....I randomly decided to vent in this blog. Might not be able to post on TL for a fair bit either, so I might as well write something. Almost certainly won't be able to hit my 2k after Federer potentially wins Wimbledon final (would be a dream come true) which was the original plan.
So as posted (changed my location too), I'm in China right now, staying in Beijing for about 3-4 weeks, then I go to Ningxia for 2 weeks or so, and this is approximately the coming Tuesday I think.
Anyway I've been having a great time, maybe I'll write up a longer blog detailed what I did, but long story short I've been working at a company temporarily, learning a lot, and making lots of friends. Probably the best summer I've ever had so far. Last summer I sort of squandered but I think working here has been much better, potential and crap aside.
But before that: about a week or two before I left for China, I had a pneumothorax, which is basically a hole in my [left] lung. This was also why my previously really scary post rate took a dip for three days lol. But anyway, it was a spontaneous pneumothorax and after checking an x-ray the doctors decided that they should operate. A hole in the lung leaks air from the lung, and forms a bubble in the chest cavity that compresses the lung and can make it hard to breathe. Jumping up and down I could feel it distinctly but otherwise I actually didn't have any problems breathing whatsoever except for very deep breaths (and those didn't hurt, just felt funny or lung felt stretched). So they operated, and a tube was surgically inserted inside my chest cavity to suck out the air that had leaked, and I had to stay for three days and two nights to wait for the hole to close. Apparently it did and I was released with flying colors and a reassurance that it wouldn't happen again after a CT scan and some tests.
But it did, about three to four weeks into my stay. And next Tuesday I'm scheduled to get on the move but they may have to operate yet again. I'm very worried because recurring problems like these are usually very serious. The doctors thought the original hole resulted from a cyst on my lung and the CT scan found none, so I either had another one pop or the original scar/wound reopened in my lung. Either way I'm pretty screwed and very pissed.
It's the sort of situation in which all you can do is think, "why me?". Now I understand of course that there are many many people better off than I and worse off than I, but to be selfish and talk specifically about my case, it's just downright terrible. I mean you always hope you get to live life to the fullest without having to suffer through any particularly debilitating diseases or chronic illnesses, and if you do, you hope it's relatively minor. I've never really had much issue with my body until this happened, and I'm afraid it will continue throughout my life, that kind of idea. Nobody wants to be afflicted with a terrible illness that just takes away your ability or opportunities to enjoy life and be active and just go through life as happily as possible.
I'm afraid that this is something that will continue to haunt me. I have relatively minor asthma (only one asthma attack when I was very young) and am very thin, but recently I've been gaining some weight too. Anyway not sure how that's relevant, just right now I'm sort of scared about what will happen. This is a very generic story and unfortunately is neither entertaining nor thought-provoking/interesting but I'm just writing in a stream-of-thought way before I try to go to sleep early.
Unless this problem magically resolves itself (pneumothoraces are able to resolve themselves but it takes typically 1-2 weeks so it's not like I'll even be able to see whether it would get better because I'm guessing they will want to operate asap), I'll have to go through another surgery. I fully understand that there are so many people that must endure unimaginable suffering or at least much worse surgeries than I, but still, this sort of thing you just think and hope doesn't happen to you. I'm just a regular guy, not particularly intelligent handsome, athletic, whatever. Just sucks.
I'm on the verge of tears right now, really worried and also disappointed that I wasn't able to continue working because it's honestly been great fun. Interesting to note, I was actually complaining about having to leave for Ningxia because working was so interesting and I felt like I was just getting started, so I feel like god (or fate if you're annoyed by people using god figuratively or literally) spited me by screwing me over with this sudden pneumothorax so I can do diddly squat anyway rofl. Sigh.
I don't even feel like I expressed myself well at all here. There are so many kinds of ideas and thoughts floating around in my head and I'm also annoyed that I wasn't able to adequately write it out here, but I guess this will do for now, at least. My time here has definitely taught me a lot of things, including that I want to work harder and be more focused, waste less time, make myself a better person, so many things. And now I can't do anything even if I try my best because there is no trying yourself out of a hospital bed.
And hey, would you look at that! Not a single emoticon, I think. Maybe a few scattered around that I missed. I guess I improved on that front, going back and reading some of my posts I do tend to overkill with regard to emoticons.
Well, thanks for reading. I don't expect much because my writing is nothing outstanding; I always have a lot of ideas and little things but it never really becomes anything special or engrossing I feel. So many things that I want to say, and I can't seem to figure out how to express or articulate myself, can't seem to find the words...but I repeat myself. Hope to be back on TL soon and be able to talk to all of you guys again!! I miss you already~
 
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United States10172 Posts
wait wut. HOW DO YOU GET 40 POSTS PER DAY???? :O...
get better dude. hope that problem doesn't screw with your life.
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Aerisky!!!
You'll be fine, vomiting words is entirely fine.
Good luck, and thank you for all your help!
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I feel for you dude. Last year I had to quit my very good job due to surgery and only recently can I actually say that I have recovered to the point that I am fit for work.
It was a relatively minor surgery, nothing like yours, went home the same day. However I got multiple infections after it. Was on a parade of antibiotics for many, many weeks. If I put all the courses together, I must have been on antibiotics for a total of 2 months. And the pain was excruciating. First time I actually craved for painkillers in my life. Unreal pain.
And the thing is, this particular surgery I had takes literally about 2-3 weeks to fully recover from. It has taken me close to a year 
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@Flashftw: umm BW/SC2 LR threads, tennis/basketball threads, I subscribe to several threads that move pretty quickly like KMD and ABL, like to post in general and blogs, and like to respond to a lot of things and hold so I end up accumulating a lot of posts! ty yo!
@Praetorial: Thanks yo, but I haven't actually helped you with anything afaik?! :O
@Psychobabas: wow...that's really bad. Actually, my surgery is relatively minor. All they do is insert the tube in my chest cavity, draw out the air and seal the tube, wait for the hole to close, and remove the tube. The procedure to insert to tube takes maybe 30 minutes total with prepping, surgery, insertion, and hooking me up to a pump. It took me three days and two nights before I was released as I described, and they told me that I just didn't have to do anything too stressful for maybe a few weeks. About a week after surgery, I was able to get on a plane and deal with the pressure difference (which was their main worry).
Your situation sounds absolutely dreadful wow....I was given some morphine during surgery and that was it. It's even more appalling/infuriating to see that it wasn't even because of the original issue or the surgery itself but from infection, ugh... Glad you're alright man, really hope you beast at work now that you can go back!!
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United States10172 Posts
lol, inb4 we have another blindrawr on our hands. like 20k posts in less than a year.
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Mm blindrawr is 20k in two years. He's actually a pretty senior guy who knows his way around the site, afaik he didn't really start posting a ton until recently. Wait maybe that's what you meant by 20k in less than a year, whoops.
Well each poster, whether he/she posts a ton or not much is unique! TDL and Probe1 and Blast's posting volume are not the defining characteristic of any of them, they're definitely all awesome people; maybe it's a defining characteristic but it's far from the most important one. Blast was a massive yuri fan. Probe1 is a pretty funny guy I think. Of course that is/was not their most defining characteristic either, just observations. TDL in particular just has an insane output which just has to be worth mentioning but he's no robot whatever people say.
+ Show Spoiler +Okay maybe a cyborg, that is just terminator tier quality and quantity yo 
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On July 06 2012 01:19 Aerisky wrote:
@Flashftw: umm BW/SC2 LR threads, tennis/basketball threads, I subscribe to several threads that move pretty quickly like KMD and ABL, like to post in general and blogs, and like to respond to a lot of things and hold so I end up accumulating a lot of posts! ty yo!
@Praetorial: Thanks yo, but I haven't actually helped you with anything afaik?! :O
@Psychobabas: wow...that's really bad. Actually, my surgery is relatively minor. All they do is insert the tube in my chest cavity, draw out the air and seal the tube, wait for the hole to close, and remove the tube. The procedure to insert to tube takes maybe 30 minutes total with prepping, surgery, insertion, and hooking me up to a pump. It took me three days and two nights before I was released as I described, and they told me that I just didn't have to do anything too stressful for maybe a few weeks. About a week after surgery, I was able to get on a plane and deal with the pressure difference (which was their main worry).
Your situation sounds absolutely dreadful wow....I was given some morphine during surgery and that was it. It's even more appalling/infuriating to see that it wasn't even because of the original issue or the surgery itself but from infection, ugh... Glad you're alright man, really hope you beast at work now that you can go back!!
You've helped me via PM?
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I hope everything turns out well for you.
"Why Me!?" .. this thought haunts me every day....
although I haven't had much serious happen to me in my life, I always wonder if it will or when it will if it does.
Good luck, and I'm sure it's hard but stay as positive as you can. I feel the fear of a situation like that, and I feel your courage as well
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On July 06 2012 02:28 Aerisky wrote:Mm blindrawr is 20k in two years. He's actually a pretty senior guy who knows his way around the site, afaik he didn't really start posting a ton until recently. Wait maybe that's what you meant by 20k in less than a year, whoops. Well each poster, whether he/she posts a ton or not much is unique! TDL and Probe1 and Blast's posting volume are not the defining characteristic of any of them, they're definitely all awesome people; maybe it's a defining characteristic but it's far from the most important one. Blast was a massive yuri fan. Probe1 is a pretty funny guy I think. Of course that is/was not their most defining characteristic either, just observations. TDL in particular just has an insane output which just has to be worth mentioning but he's no robot whatever people say. + Show Spoiler +Okay maybe a cyborg, that is just terminator tier quality and quantity yo
Don't worry, me and sayle will continue the yuri blog's in blasterions absence
And we will obviously ban sentenal and mecha
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Could this be the reason you got yourself permed?
Well anyway best of luck dude, I hope it kinda sorts out for you...man, random holes in the body, I can't imagine how that must feel.
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Man I feel for you. I'm myself leaving for a long bike trip through Japan and I'll be moving to China afterwards in order to study. Reading about stuff like this makes me paranoid.What if some random thing happens that basically shits over everything? I live a relatively healthy life but a lung collapse like yours for example can happen to anyone.
Oh well, I suppose the best thing to do is to stay aware and not worry about it too much I suppose. I mean I've seen fat people who weight 300 pounds, are over 50 and smoke 2 packs a day and are still fine generally speaking, right!? I'm in my early twenties! ^^
Anyways, stay healthy!
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Thanks everybody! I really appreciate it ><
Hope to see you all again soon. I'm typing this on my cell phone and don't have time so I'll just respond to two simple questions that will bother me if I don't answer them. I wish I could reply to each and every one of you time is tight and android swype (think autocorrect but basically it's a way of inputting words by swiping your finger, doesn't always get it right) is bad.I sincerely appreciate it, thanks all!
@Praetorial but even there I didn't actually help you out that much I feel like! Well anyway if you feel that way then I'm really happy to have helped ^^
@blubbdavid: nono that wasn't why, it happened around the same time but it was for different reasons.
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Hope you get better dude . One thing that always gets me peppy is my music, get on pandora and find some great music. Also learn a hobby art form other than SC and you will release a lot of stress.
also, JESUS 20k posts gogo
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really hope you start to feling better man..
will keep you in my prayers!
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So I went for the checkup and my goodness Xiehe hospital seems like crap.
It's supposed to be fantastic, but I walked and immediately noticed how the entire place was ridiculously unclean; everything about it screamed...well I don't know what exactly it screamed but whatever it was, it didn't sound good for my lung. First went to a doctor for a preliminary diagnosis and after examining me for 10 seconds he told me that I had to undergo surgery immediately and that I had a big problem because it was a recurring issue.
Except there wasn't a single doctor in the international portion of the hospital who could operate. Well in any event I got the X-ray after that and was directed over to the internal (national) part of the hospital. They offered me several choices which I couldn't quite understand because the doctor had an accent (that is, an abnormal accent speaking Chinese).
Long story short, I have to wait until Monday to undergo the surgery, which will be the same as the kind I got in America (i.e. tube in chest to suck out the air bubble). If it suddenly gets worse during the weekend, I have to go to the emergency room. BUT, because the pneumothorax recurred so soon, there's almost certainly something seriously wrong, so after this smaller surgery to remove the air bubble, I'm probably going to have to have a bigger surgery back in the states to make sure it doesn't happen again.
Ohmygod, I'm so afraid of pain... and so scared that this will be a chronic problem. The first surgery I had in the US was supposed to be the end of it, but because it happened again, even though it's the same surgery they're actually pretty sure that it's only a temporary fix this time just to prepare me for the flight home (pressure changes in cabin are still very large), and that the probable third (different from the first two) operation will be pretty major and should be the final one.
Also, the doctors didn't help me feel better lol, they were practically hyping up how bad it was. Apparently my left lung's air bubble is affecting my right lung by shifting it over, and they're saying that if my left lung shrinks too much, it could seriously get life-threatening because the lung might collapse on my fucking heart. Before it really wasn't serious at all, just sounded sort of scary and I was generally scared, but now it's potentially a very grave situation apparently....
The trip to Ningxia is going to have to be cancelled for sure unless I can recover before Tuesday or Wednesday. I'm definitely going to need surgery apparently, too, so there's nothing I can do about it. I'll probably just spend my time resting and chilling on TL with you guys. Sigh ;___;
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All the best!
Also, for motivation and inspiration overcoming challenges, I recommend the visual novel Katawa Shoujo (unless you've read that already) ...
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LOL, so relevant.....wait...no it isn't 100% relevant at the moment (and I hope it doesn't become so) but atm it's partially so. D:
T'was...meh. None of the routes were particularly amazing to me actually, though the premise was definitely original, it ended up doing a lot better than a lot people expected, and exceeded initial expectations for sure~
Thanks to all of you for the support, super grateful for all of it. >\\\< Compared to so many people it's not that major, but to me it's still so frightening... Also thanks to those of you who PMed me too, I know I'm not supposed to worry but I can't help worrying a little bit; don't want to have at least two more surgeries, and it could really mess with my life in several ways, very scared of that for sure...
BUT Wimbledon spoiler alert:
+ Show Spoiler +Roger Federer just beat Novak Djokovic and made the finals!!!! I'm so happy ^____^
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woah i read this blog and didnt connect the OP and you at first lol
be like sC and go from top tier GSL player to lung collapse to still competitive in korea
^^
fighting!
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Thanks!! TL helping me feel a lot better about things...I'm sort of a person who gets easily depressed and/or afraid >.< though I want to go back to top tier after going from top tier to GAHHH (just calling the situation before all this as top tier I guess lolol). I want to go to MC level huhuhu 
But yeah, appreciate it!! MAN these few days have been absolutely amazing, just so so so awesome. I've been having a great time, so many fantastic things have already happened, get to see HSC V Day 3 today with MC already having advanced, and then tomorrow is the Wimbledon finals with Federer in them kyaa!! hahaha
Just this one...insidious...pneumothorax ruining things :< Oh well, take the good with the bad, hwaiting on~
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EPT
