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Back in high school, I competed on the state math team with a bunch of strangers from other schools. There was one girl on the team who was wholly unremarkable but for the fact that a few years later (right now), I started a summer internship at the same company as her. I was pleasantly surprised upon seeing her name, and added her as a friend on FB while exchanging some virtual small talk. Because the company was providing room and board, we would even be living in the same apartment along with two other interns.
I've gotten to know her better over the past month. And all I can say is simply...mother of god, this is one of the most annoying human beings I have ever met. One morning I was disturbed from my work by none other than a nasal version of Dolores Umbridge's simpering voice inquiring, "why didn't you walk me home yesterday, Are You A Fish?" Wait, what? Apparently her parents want her to always have an escort for the ten-minute walk to the bus stop, and it's my responsibility because she stayed after all the other interns left. Well ok...I agree to take her to the bus stop. Then one day she decides she doesn't want to carry her ten-pound computer anymore, and tells me, "Are You A Fish, you have to take my laptop because it's too heavy for me". Well I'm a pussy so I say yes, and end up hauling twenty pounds of crap as she struts down the street empty-handed while spouting inanities like "at least you don't have to take Jewish Intern's fourteen-pound computer".
The penultimate straw comes when my mother arrives in town for business, and says she'll come visit me at X o'clock pm. By X+6 o'clock I still can't contact her phone and start to get seriously worried. The other interns, especially Jewish Intern, reassure me that her phone probably ran out of batteries or got stuck in a conference. The subject of this blog then very helpfully suggests (pinch your nose and read this out loud to get an idea of how it sounded), "maybe she couldn't figure out the directions to the office...LOL". It turns out that my mother is perfectly fine. My rage levels are not.
Right now, I'm very close to just telling her how I really feel but that could have some repercussions because our parents are friends. So instead I'm trying to show her how little her presence is appreciated. Phase one, cutting off all conversation, has already been initiated. Even though I try to slip out of the workplace undetected, she always (literally) gets a foot in the door of the elevator. Damn it. So instead I've been trying to scrape her away from my peripheral vision like gum off a shoe, by walking so close to passerby that she has to break off from my side as if she were a girlfriend (dear god no). The best parts are where I can sandwich myself between a building and people walking in the same direction, which chokes off both passing lanes and keeps me ahead in this perverse race of deliberate avoidance. If this doesn't work, I'll just start coming to work at 6:00 am and leave as early as possible.
Well TeamLiquid, this was my delightful experience with the unrequited love unfathomable hair-tear-inducing experience that girls can provide. If you want a girl-related moral from this story, just remember that unwanted persistence is not stoic and admirable; it's just plain infuriating. Have a nice day 
 
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why didn't you walk me home yesterday, Are You A Fish?"
This was confusing, in a totally unexpected way 
Yeah, she sounds like she needs to grow up. Perhaps reminding her that she hasn't made your sandwich yet will do the trick...
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Just be a man and tell her how you feel
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Very much not what I expected, but I like it. Also, telling someone they're a dick is alright, just make sure you do it when you're not red hot angry, but when you are in a calm, assertive state.
+ Show Spoiler +
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Until you irreparably offend this woman, she will continue to leech the happiness from your life.
Once you offend her, she will constantly attempt to remind you of it by a) being a completely bitch to you b) constantly guilt tripping you and playing pity party to others c) seeking a more subtle revenge such as feeding you a slow working poison that drives you insane and eventually leaves you spouting gibberish in a hospital.
Given what you say about her, I feel strongly about b. If you can handle it, tell her she is a needy little bitch who wouldn't ask a man she barely knows to walk her home from the bus stop if she had friends, and who would have a boyfriend to carry her laptop bag if she weren't fat and ugly. It is best to say this in front of as many other people as possible to maximize the chance that she will not try to reconcile with you to serve her own needs. Most likely her pride will prevent that if done properly.
Then prepare to endure the reproachfulness of your audience over the next few weeks, and enjoy the 10 foot bubble of disdain she is sure to grace you with.
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Hahahahaha, I almost lol'ed (i'm at work too!) while reading this blog. As typical of all girl blogs, I thought you were going to say that slowly, her mannerisms endeared you to her and you're wondering how to make the next move, lolol. Now, I don't want to sound too sexist but guys don't usually blog about how they find a girl annoying...
Are You A Fish?
Man up and deal with the situation instead of plotting moves!
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dude, from what you described it looks like this chick is into you (or she's spoiled)... so don't be too harsh lol
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I would not do anything, some people are obnoxious but its those same people that are infinitely more unbearable the moment you wrong them. Seeing as you have to live with this person I think it'd be better to try and pawn her off on Jewish/Asian/Indian intern or hang around them so she can't single you out for punishment.
On July 19 2011 15:01 Scarecrow wrote:
Just be a man and tell her how you feel
Whatever you do, for the love of god don't do this
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Lol! can someone please elaborate on the "Are you a Fish?" Is there some sort of meaning behind this? Never heard that before.
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This is my kind of girl blog.
Show her who's alpha dude and u ain't fuckin interested
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On July 19 2011 15:52 cha0 wrote:
Lol! can someone please elaborate on the "Are you a Fish?" Is there some sort of meaning behind this? Never heard that before.
Haha I was confused too, it's the OP's name!
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What the hell sounds like you got a 6 year old on your case lmao :p
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im sorry i cant get behind the "are you a fish?" question.
what the fuck. xD
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On July 19 2011 16:39 Revolt wrote:
im sorry i cant get behind the "are you a fish?" question.
what the fuck. xD
It's because OP's username is "Are you a fish?" I was tricked too - I thought she actually said that line, and thought it would have been damned cool if she did.
SO OP< ARE YOU A FISH AN DGOING TO ALLOW UR SELF TO GET CONROLLED BY SOME WERIDASS FUNKYTOWN GURL?
Choice is yours, brotha.
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Why are men such girls these days?
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It is nice to see a blog where there isn't a cliche situation (maybe even the opposite)? The first idea that comes to mind when I think about how you can end this without personally offending her is to just GET A GIRLFRIEND. Bring her to the workplace for a bit one day. Show her you're taken.
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United States22883 Posts
This blog was so much more interesting when I thought she was saying "Are You A Fish?" I thought it was some quirky weird girl with a crush on you.
Now I just don't care. :O
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"at least you don't have to take Jewish Intern's fourteen-pound computer"
If she said that to me I would've given it straight back to her. If she didn't take it I would put it down on the sidewalk and keep walking.
Seriously though.. stop being so passive aggressive.
Just say something along the lines of
"Sorry, I can't walk you to the bus, nor carry your possessions anymore. You insulted my mom and keep taking digs at me when I help you so I'm done with helping. Find someone else to bother.
On July 19 2011 17:04 KoveN- wrote:
Why are men such girls these days?
Indeed sir...
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EPT
