I decided to make this post after thinking for a while and being really bothered by my situation in life. I need some advice about what to do, that I don't want to regret later. I feel that alot of the TL community were or can empathize with my situation and give me some good insights. I will be 20 years old in less than 2 months. ( I know I should get the fuck over it) But from my vantage point, I feel incredibly disappointed at how my life turned out, and I blame myself for not taking responsibility in my life. I am not just talking about the material things, (i.e. cars, money, gpa)
But I am also incredibly disappointed at how I turned out. I always imagined by the time of 20 I would be a "man", that I would be confident, happy and decide everything for myself.
I think I am where I am right now, because I was too dependent on my parents. I expected their guidance and support. But I now realize that by doing this I took away my own self-dependence. (i.e. I am at university, and everything is paid by my parents) I can't bring to motivate myself for long terms life goals, thus I find myself often miserable at my own lack of motivation for school.
I will be graduating next year from university with a major in Biology. I am debating whether or not I should take a break from school for a year. Just go live somewhere, get a normal job and do what I want to do, not because I was told by my parents.
I am wondering if this is a good idea? Will it be too difficult to return to school? Did anyone do something similar and what did they learn? OR if you were in my situation, what lifestyle did you change while still staying in university.
Thanks for your responses...
(I don't mean to be ironic by asking what I should do and then wanting to decide on my own, I just want some more knowledge to make my decision.)
edit: I just feel no passion for what I am learning...I don't know maybe I just need a year off to figure things out.
Yeah it must really suck to have your parents pay for everything.
There's no switch that turns you into a responsible adult, it just happens. Don't try to force it by taking this 1 year break, and enjoy life while you can, because it soon becomes one crushing defeat after another.
On March 14 2011 19:26 superbabosheki wrote: Finish school. How do you plan on funding your one year getaway, or finding a decent job without your degree.
Yea that's the exciting part, I guess whatever job I want...MacDonald, hobo I don't know...I have about 5000 saved up from previous jobs.
edit:
I never said it sucks to have someone pay for everything, and I don't mean it that way. I lived in poverty so I know how that's like (when my both my parents were at universities and didn't work and lived off government).
just enjoy life...because it soon becomes one crushing defeat after another.
Weird, I just wrote a blog with some of the same issues you address here. Did/do you live independently while at school? On campus/off campus? This can make a big impact on how you feel about doing your own thing and making your own decisions. I knew so many people at school whos parents called the shits for them even with what classes to take and checking in if they could travel somewhere for the weekend.
When I was away at school I rarely was told what to do by my parents and I got the luxury of being heavily in debt. I am not being sarcastic at all. I am glad I am financially responsible for my own bills because that was one of the first things I really felt was important that I had to take care of by myself.
I would not suggest taking a break from school. Get it done. I was in school for five years and it gets less fun the longer you stay past the four year mark. At least that was my experience.
Make the best possible decisions for yourself with the information you have now. Do you think it is a good idea to move out and get a job as soon as you can? Do you think you should continue to higher education? I learned so much from living at school at a house off campus about responsibility and if you haven't had a similar experience you should consider living by yourself or with some friends or something as long as it's financially feasible.
Just do what you think is best for you. It's okay to make wrong decisions as long as you learn from them
PS - 20 is still very young. Growing up is gradual and takes longer for some than others based on their personal experiences.
I'll try to answer your questions, but just realize the two above bring up valid points. If you wanna take a break from school, you'll first have to make sure you secure some kind of job first. Doesn't matter what job as long as it'll be able to support your lifestyle. And taking a break doesn't turn you into a responsible adult; rather, you should be responsible beforehand (explained a bit more below).
Now onto your questions:
I am wondering if this is a good idea?
Taking a break from university is not bad at all if you feel you absolutely need it. I've taken a year off and I have about five or so friends who took a semester to a year off as well. Mostly for different reasons and at different times, but it really helped out. We all felt refreshed when we went back to school.
Will it be too difficult to return to school?
This will depend on you. You'll have to make sure you don't get sucked into a lax lifestyle, so if you think you're disciplined enough, it won't be too difficult. You'll also have to make sure you review your stuff at least a few weeks before you go back to school.
Did anyone do something similar and what did they learn?
What did I learn? That sometimes, rest is necessary for you to progress, and can be a beautiful thing; however, it's easy to get sucked into an unproductive lifestyle which is not good. So, I repeat, you must be disciplined.
OR if you were in my situation, what lifestyle did you change while still staying in university?
Broaden your horizons. Go volunteer and help others out. Instead of waiting for motivation, create it yourself.
I read your blog, and it indeed it address the same issues I have (about being set in a path that I am not sure about), Somehow I knew there would be someone on TL feeling the same way. =p However I can't give you any advice.
But anyways, I live ind. off campus, I didn't dorm my first year and I lived alone. Now I live with a roommate. I think you bring up a good point about being financially responsible for myself. Having a credit card to spend at my will is definitely not right for me. If I do stay in school. I will definitely arrange some sort of agreement with my parents, where I take part if not all financial responsibility.
That's a big thing that I want to take care for myself, when i get money that I don't deserve, I feel an obligation to do what my parents expect me to do (i.e. go to med school). And unconsciously it makes me feel I have no control over what I decide.
On March 14 2011 20:04 Souma wrote: I'll try to answer your questions, but just realize the two above bring up valid points. If you wanna take a break from school, you'll first have to make sure you secure some kind of job first. Doesn't matter what job as long as it'll be able to support your lifestyle. And taking a break doesn't turn you into a responsible adult; rather, you should be responsible beforehand (explained a bit more below).
Now onto your questions:
I am wondering if this is a good idea?
Taking a break from university is not bad at all if you feel you absolutely need it. I've taken a year off and I have about five or so friends who took a semester to a year off as well. Mostly for different reasons and at different times, but it really helped out. We all felt refreshed when we went back to school.
Will it be too difficult to return to school?
This will depend on you. You'll have to make sure you don't get sucked into a lax lifestyle, so if you think you're disciplined enough, it won't be too difficult. You'll also have to make sure you review your stuff at least a few weeks before you go back to school.
Did anyone do something similar and what did they learn?
What did I learn? That sometimes, rest is necessary for you to progress, and can be a beautiful thing; however, it's easy to get sucked into an unproductive lifestyle which is not good. So, I repeat, you must be disciplined.
OR if you were in my situation, what lifestyle did you change while still staying in university?
Broaden your horizons. Go volunteer and help others out. Instead of waiting for motivation, create it yourself.
agree with everything here
a break is not necessarily bad at all. Getting your head straight is worth giving up that time so long as you think youre capable of getting back into work mode when you go back. That's the catch: not many go back and many who do end up dropping again
Why don't you do a year "work and travel" in New Zealand for example? Or wherever else you like. Clear your head, get out of your current situation and hopefully you will be able to assess it all better when you get back. Friend of mine is in Bangkok for one year, also studied Biology until his bachelor's degree - he seems to be quite happy with it. If you feel you need it, now is the right time.
i think everyone reaches the point in their life when they are mature enough to get some real introspection going on and unless they are superachievers everyone gets depressed about how shitty their life has been. i mean, wow, for 20 years all i did was be a kid and fuck around, what a failure. eventually, though, you learn to get past that feeling that you've missed the boat and that your life is over because you're not some child prodigy, and thus some complete failure. it's kind of funny that as you get older you just kind of get epiphanies and gain a look on life that you'd never expect you'd have. you always think you've got it figured all out until you get to the next epiphany and realize how immature you were.
i don't know if this helps any but i've always like the saying "i'll cross that bridge when i come to it". i think it's a good outlook on life because, really, where are you rushing off too?
i'll probably look back on this post in a few year and be like "wow i was a naive fool", but, hey, that's life, that's what all the people say.
dont forget, you alternatively could just suck it up, maybe even get a job if you dont have already and save up for a bitchin fuck off to europe trip after graduation next year. Or do both! I did that.
Time away is good only if you intend to come back and kick ass though
Undergraduate work is actually very boring and it's not supposed to be very exciting until you get deep into the core material (350 level classes or higher). I hated my classes until I actually started taking the higher level ones. It's just how it is. You have to drudge through the lame material to get to the good stuff. Then if you really want a challenge; what is fun is graduate school. I think taking a year off might be bad because most people won't ever come back. Maybe take a semester off instead?
I dont know where you are living right now, but the US economy is still very much in the dumps. From a financial standpoint, youre far better off staying in school and try to weather out the depression. (both economic, and from the sound of your post, psychological as well)
However if youre not happy in school then by all means do whatever it takes to make yourself happy. I would just caution that dropping out of school in order to flip burgers or staff a call center is not the best way to "find yourself".
On March 15 2011 03:09 GreatFall wrote: Undergraduate work is actually very boring and it's not supposed to be very exciting until you get deep into the core material (350 level classes or higher). I hated my classes until I actually started taking the higher level ones. It's just how it is. You have to drudge through the lame material to get to the good stuff. Then if you really want a challenge; what is fun is graduate school. I think taking a year off might be bad because most people won't ever come back. Maybe take a semester off instead?
I agree completely. I'm just getting into 300/400 level classes and I'm finding school to be a lot more interesting. However, I can completely understand your idea about taking a semester off - I had this debate in my mind a lot in my first two years. I took a lot of trash courses that really made me want to stop going to school just b/c I REALLY didn't enjoy them. You should try to take an objective look at your university experience so far. I bet you'll probably realize a lot of courses you've taken have been weeder/core courses that are a pretty big grind. I'd suggest just sticking it out and doing your best to take more interesting classes in the upcoming semesters. (btw. I'm also taking a biology degree(+math degree). Biology definitely gets a lot more fun in 3rd/4th year.. + less memorizing, more concepts )
EPT
