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I had a lot of fun doing Genesis 1, so I'm doing the psalms now. Doing all 150 psalms eventually, although probably not all of them very quickly. Praise Elfi.
Psalm 1
Blessed is the sentry
Who does not walk by the rally point of the roaches
Or forcefield in the way by which stalkers approach,
Or sit in the company of zerglings,
But whose delight is in the micro of Elfi,
And who is warped in by his warp prism cycle after cycle.
That sentry is like a friendly doorman,
Which closes the door on the economy of evil,
And whose beam does not do damage -
Whatever it shoots survives.
Not so the zerg!
They are like cupcakes
That the immortals blow away.
Therefore the roaches will not stand in the main,
Nor the sentries in the natural of the enemy.
For Elfi watches over the way of the sentry,
But the way of the roach leads to destruction.
Psalm 2
Why do the Americans rage
And the Koreans plot in vain?
The professionals of StarCraft rise up
And the Koreans band together
Against Elfi and against his units, saying,
"Let us 3-0 this fool
And eliminate him from the bracket."
The One enthroned in his ergonomic comfort chair laughs;
Elfi scoffs at them.
He rebukes them in his laughter
And terrifies them in his wrath, saying,
"I have installed my cat
On my chair, and he shall be victorious."
I will proclaim Elfi's decree:
He said to me, "You are my viewer,
Today I have become your streamer.
Subscribe to me, and I will continue to make the units for you,
And I will continue to win tournaments for you,
And we shall break our enemies with a rod of iron;
We shall dash them to pieces like pottery."
Therefore, you Koreans, be wise;
Be warned, you players of other regions.
Serve Elfi with fear
And celebrate his rule with trembling.
Worship his cat, or he will be angry,
And your way will lead to your destruction,
For his wrath can flare up in a moment.
Blessed are all who subscribe to his stream.
Psalm 3
Elfi, how many roaches there are!
How many rise up against me!
Many are saying of me,
"He will ragequit soon,"
But your tactics, Elfi, are a shield around me,
Like the guardian shield that defends me from roaches and hydralisks.
I call out to Elfi,
And he answers me from his ergonomic comfort chair.
I sit on 3 bases and turtle;
I stay alive, because Elfi's strategies sustain me.
I will not fear though a 200/200 army
Assails me from every choke.
Arise, Elfi!
Deliver me, my God!
Strike all my enemies with thermal lance,
Melt the bodies of the zerg.
From Elfi comes victory,
May the blessing be on your army.
Psalm 4
Answer me when I call to you,
Righteous Elfi.
Give me relief from constant zerg maxes;
Have mercy on me and hear my prayer.
How long will you Koreans turn innovative play into boring macro?
How long will you love delusions and seek false champions?
Know that Elfi has set apart his faithful viewers for himself;
Elfi hears when I talk to him on twitch.
Tremble and do not laugh;
When you are in your booths,
Play your hardest and be silent.
Offer a glhf of the righteous
And have faith in Elfi.
Many, Elfi, are asking "Who will be the next foreign hope?"
Let the light of your face shine on us.
Fill my heart with joy
When Pekka walks all over the keyboard for the hundredth time.
In peace I will sit down and play,
For you alone, Elfi,
Have delivered me to victory.
Psalm 5
Listen to my words, Elfi,
Consider my lament.
Hear my cry for help,
My King and My God,
For to you I pray.
In the morning, Elfi, you hear my voice;
In the morning I lay my requests before you
And wait expectantly.
For you are not Teoita, who is pleased with wickedness,
With you, bad advice is nonexistent.
The arrogant cannot stand in your presence.
You hate all who do you wrong;
You destroy those who claim they are better.
The ones who detest your cat
You, Elfi, detest.
But I, by your great skill,
Can come onto your stream,
In reverence I watch
Simultaneously on both monitors.
Lead me, Elfi, in your righteousness
Because of my enemies -
Lead your armies straight before me.
Not a word from their mouths can be understood;
Their hearts are filled with greed.
Their throat is rusted from disuse;
With their tongues they speak Korean.
Declare them losers, O Elfi!
Let their arrogance be their downfall.
Banish them for their many sins,
For they have rebelled against you.
But let all who are in your fanclub be glad;
Let them ever sing for joy.
Spread your protection over them,
That those who love your name may rejoice in you.
Surely, Elfi, you bless your viewers;
You surround them with your tactics as with a shield.
Psalm 6
Elfi, do not rebuke me in anger
Or discipline me in your wrath.
Have mercy on me, Elfi, for I am faint;
Heal me, Elfi, for my fingers are in agony.
My mind is in anguish.
How long, Elfi, how long?
Turn, Elfi, and deliver me;
Save me because of your unfailing skill.
Among the Koreans no one proclaims your name.
Who plays StarCraft in Korea?
I am worn out from my groaning.
All night long I flood my booth with weeping
And drench my keyboard with tears.
My eyes grow weak with sorrow;
Their fail because you were my foe.
Away from me, all you who reject foreigners,
For Elfi has heard my weeping.
Elfi has heard my cry for mercy;
Elfi accepts my prayer.
All my enemies will be overwhelmed with shame and anguish;
They will turn back and suddenly be put to shame.
Psalm 7
Elfi, I take refuge in you;
Save and deliver me from all who pursue me,
Or they will tear me apart with their rifles
And rip me to pieces from their medivacs.
Elfi, if I have done this
And there is guit on my hands -
If I have repaid my coaches with evil
Or without cause have ragequit on my enemy -
Then let my enemy pursue and overtake me
Let him trample my nexus to the ground
And make me tear my keyboard in two.
Arise, Elfi, in your anger;
Rise up against the stim of the terrans.
Awake, Elfi, decree justice.
Let the marauders not gather around your colossus,
While he sits on the ramp on ground most high.
Let Elfi judge the players.
Vindicate me, Elfi, according to my manner,
According to my efficiency, O Lord of the Cats.
Bring an end to the violence of the inferior race
And make the Protoss secure -
You the righteous mothership core
Who shields our Nexii all.
My shield is Elfi Most High,
Who saves the valiant in heart.
Elfi is a righteous judge,
A God who displays his cat every day.
If he does not relent,
He will plug in his mouse;
He will turn on his keyboard.
He has prepared his hands by not using them,
He has prepared his units by not making them.
Whoever is pregnant with evil
Conceives no trouble and gives birth to shitty harassment.
Whoever burrows his roaches and unburrows them somewhere else
Falls into the tunnel the roaches have made.
The trouble they cause recoils on them;
Burrowed roaches are a shitty strategy and they shall suffer due vengeance.
I will give thanks to Elfi because of his righteousness,
I will sing the praises in the name of Elfi Most High.
Psalm 8
Elfi, our Lord,
How majestic is your name in all of Finland!
You have set your webcam
On your computer.
Through the praise of fans and critics
You have established a stronghold against your naysayers,
To silence the NA and KR players.
When I consider your build orders,
The 80 APM of your fingers,
The phoenixes and oracles,
Which you have wisely sent togehter,
What is the enemy that you harass with them,
The mineral probes that you lift from them?
You have made them a little lower than the phoenixes
And destroyed them with pulse lasers.
You made them slaves to your graviton beam;
You put their nexus under their feet:
All probes and minerals,
All stalkers on defense,
The cannon defending the other side,
And the mothership core left defenseless,
All that blink on the ramps of the map.
Elfi, our Lord,
How majestic is your name in all of Finland!
Psalm 9
I will give thanks to you, Elfi, with all my heart;
I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.
I will be glad and rejoice in you;
I will sing tales of your stream, O Elfi Most High.
My enemies turn back;
They ragequit when I use your strategies.
For they have upheld my army and my macro,
Sitting enthroned as the ideal Protoss strategy.
You have rebuked the Koreans and destroyed the Canadians;
You have blotted out their name forever and ever.
Endless ruin has overtaken my enemy,
You have uprooted his spine crawlers,
Even the drones who had been mining have perished.
Elfi reigns forever;
He has established his stream for teaching.
He plays his games in righetousness
And judges his opponents with equity.
Elfi is a refuge for the foreigners,
A stronghold in times of trouble.
Those who know your name follow you,
For you, Elfi, have never forsaken those who seek you.
Sing the praises of Elfi, enthroned in Finland;
Proclaim among the nations what he is doing.
For he who avenges his previous losses remembers;
He does not ignore the cries of the losing.
Elfi, see how many zergs are on ladder!
Have mercy and lift me from the constant barrage of PvZ,
That I may view your stream
Sent live from Mother Finland,
And there watch your cat Pekka give wise counsel.
The nations have fallen in the tournaments they had crafted,
Their players are caught in the traps they had set.
Elfi is known by his acts of justice;
The Koreans are ensnared by their overly high APM.
The terrans fall alongisde the zerg,
As all protoss do who forget Elfi.
But Elfi never forgets the needy;
The hope of the losing will never perish.
Arise, Elfi, do not let Korean triumph;
Let the foreigners strive for glory under your flag.
Strike them with micro, Elfi,
Let them know that their APM is finite.
Psalm 10
Why, Elfi, do you stand far off?
Why do you hide yourself in times of anti-Protoss balance whine?
In his arrogance the terran posts on Battle.net,
Who must endure the balance patches he foolishly devises.
He boasts about the duration of Photon Overcharge;
He blesses Innovation and reviles Elfi.
In his pride the terran does not seek him;
In his list of favorites there is no room for Elfi.
His ways are always self-serving;
Blizzard's balance is rejected by him;
He sneers at all his enemies.
He says to himself, "Protoss is so fucking overpowered."
He swears, "Fuck the oracle."
His mouth is full of lies and threats;
Trouble and evil are under his black tongue.
He lies in wait near your third;
From the tower he sends his scouting factory.
His eyes watch in secret for proxy pylons;
Like a ghost he lies in wait.
He lies in wait to catch the helpless probe;
He catches the helpless probe and a-moves into it.
The probe is drestroyed, the tower unpowered;
His army buckles under its own strength.
He says to himself, "Elfi will never notice,
He is too busy playing with his cat."
Arise, Elfi! Lift up your fingers, O Elfi.
Do not forget to scout.
Why does the terran revile Elfi?
Why does he say to himself,
"He won't see that I'm gone?"
But you Elfi, see the tower is free;
You consider your options and move to secure it.
The terran stims back in your direction;
You are the holder of all the terran hates.
Break the fingers of the terran;
Call him to account for his overconfidence
That would not otherwise be accounted for.
Elfi is King forever and ever;
The nations will be led by his hand.
You, Elfi, hear the desire of Protoss players;
You encourage them, you listen to their cry,
Defending the economic and aggressive openings,
Defending the cheese and safe oepnings,
So that mere zerg and terran
Will never again strike terror.
Amen.
