EPThttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_(apple)
Its the apple you buy when green apples are off-season and you mistakenly think that these forsaken children can fulfill the same role as refreshments. Its the apple you imagine when you think about apples. Its the apple that is being used by that evil mega corporation to steal your money.
So why are they so horrible you ask?
-Their skin is too thin and their meat contains too much water. In comparison to the green apples rock solid inside they resemble a dead bloated hungover pigeon.
-They lure you in with their initial tastiness but then they strike and unleash all the anger and resentment they have been harboring towards humans and their after-taste is like a secondhand sour chewing gum.
-They play games with your stomach. First they cheat your brain into believing that you are full then the biological weapon you consumed releases the venom. Their acid goo that creates a black hole in your stomach. With piercing pain you are forced to eat. Contrary to popular belief eating apples as a diet is like eating napalm to cool yourself.
-Consumed in great quantity (2 apples). They leave an aftermath of unimaginable destruction. The Niagara's fall is nothing in comparison to what these suckers do to you in the bathroom.
They are truly punishment for mankind. Even the famous Adam couldn't withstand their power and got majorly screwed over by them in paradise. If only he knew...
