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Blogs > jodogohoo
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jodogohoo
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Canada2533 Posts
September 18 2009 04:23 GMT
#1
1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

16. A calendar's days are numbered.

17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

30. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

31. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

32. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

33. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

34. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

35. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

36. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

37. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

38. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

39. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

40. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

41. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

42. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

43. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

44. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

45. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

46. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

***
SanguineToss
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
Canada815 Posts
September 18 2009 04:26 GMT
#2
clever.
il0seonpurpose
Profile Blog Joined January 2007
Korea (South)5638 Posts
September 18 2009 04:39 GMT
#3
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA these are good
Humbug
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
United States264 Posts
September 18 2009 04:42 GMT
#4
Wow these are quite punny :<
What is an angel? Show me an angel and I shall paint one
Avidkeystamper
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
United States8552 Posts
September 18 2009 04:46 GMT
#5
My friend could take lessons from this. Entire courses, even.
Jaedong
Monokeros
Profile Blog Joined November 2005
United States2493 Posts
September 18 2009 04:52 GMT
#6
My face is permanently stuck to my palm.
Keep the Dream Alive twitch.tv/monokerros
Chuiu
Profile Blog Joined June 2003
3470 Posts
September 18 2009 04:55 GMT
#7
This is awesome!
♞
skronch
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
United States2717 Posts
September 18 2009 05:01 GMT
#8
i loled. alot. seriously. hahahahahha
Jyvblamo
Profile Blog Joined June 2006
Canada13788 Posts
September 18 2009 05:08 GMT
#9
I don't know many of these.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
Lemonwalrus
Profile Blog Joined August 2006
United States5465 Posts
September 18 2009 05:10 GMT
#10
Thanks for the chuckle.
jodogohoo
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Canada2533 Posts
September 18 2009 05:33 GMT
#11
when i read these, i almost smashed my face against a wall
BanZu
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
United States3329 Posts
September 18 2009 05:45 GMT
#12
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

Only one I don't get... yet...
Sun Tzu once said, "Defiler becomes useless at the presences of a vessel."
JeeJee
Profile Blog Joined July 2003
Canada5652 Posts
September 18 2009 05:55 GMT
#13
Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.
A pessimist's blood type is b-negative.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
Alarms: What an octopus is.
Crick:: The sound that a Japanese camera makes.
Pasteurize: Too far to see.
Toboggan: Why we go to an auction.
(\o/)  If you want it, you find a way. Otherwise you find excuses. No exceptions.
 /_\   aka Shinbi (requesting a name change since 27/05/09 ☺)
Carnivorous Sheep
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
Baa?21242 Posts
September 18 2009 06:03 GMT
#14
That was cute haha.
TranslatorBaa!
BloodyC0bbler
Profile Blog Joined September 2004
Canada7875 Posts
September 18 2009 06:32 GMT
#15
Hat's Punny Sarg.
#3 Member of the Chill Fanclub / Rhaegar fought nobly. Rhaegar fought valiantly. Rhaegar fought honorably. And Rhaeger died. --Ser Jorah Mormont TL MAFIA FORUM http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/index.php?show_part=31 go go !
theobsessed1
Profile Blog Joined February 2009
United States576 Posts
September 18 2009 07:08 GMT
#16
oh jeez lololol
정명훈 화이팅!~
jodogohoo
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Canada2533 Posts
September 18 2009 22:50 GMT
#17
write these downs and tell them to co-workers and classmates
???
sex
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