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I assume this sort of controlling interest in partners is quite common among immigrant families (as well as certain cultures in general), for the purpose of preserving who they are and to not be swallowed by, what is percieved to be, a foreign country. Having an iranian father, I can relate. My dad wouldn't have let me go outside if he thought I was seeing some boy (even iranian). Nor do my parents approve of my choice of profession (Biologist?! Could not possibly have picked anything worse!).
Really, just hang in there until you achieve financial independence, then you're completely free to make your own choices without having to deal with their comments or judgements. That's what I did, in any case.
Also, remember that you have no responsibility to please your parents, none at all; especially not when the only reason they're displeased in the first place is a result of their own prejuidice.
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On January 16 2011 12:34 Froadac wrote: Why don't they want you in civil engineering?
Apparently, I'll never have a job, especially since the job is cyclic. Also, they say the salary (50k+ canadian $) is not a lot. They would rather see me become a dentist like my dad and have a 100k+ income. There is also the fact that, I think the title of doctor is somewhat prestigious for them.
Thanks a lot everyone, my mind is a lot clearer now, I really thought I was weird for not following what they said.
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My parents don't care who I date as long as I am happy. That being said, my grandmother hates it if I date any non-white girls. I find that in our generation there are much fewer people with xenophobic attitudes when compared with the older generations. If she makes you happy then it doesn't matter what your parents say. If they really care about you they will eventually see that your girlfriend makes you happy and that they will have to accept her as she is.
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Well I think if your parents aren't threatening to disown you its fine. Its normal for parents to be a little racist when it comes to these kinda things.
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On January 16 2011 12:44 Wr3k wrote: My parents don't care who I date as long as I am happy. That being said, my grandmother hates it if I date any non-white girls. I find that in our generation there are much fewer people with xenophobic attitudes when compared with the older generations. If she makes you happy then it doesn't matter what your parents say. If they really care about you they will eventually see that your girlfriend makes you happy and that they will have to accept her as she is.
Haha, yeah my grandparents were wicked racist. My parents are much better, but still harbor a bit of their upbringing. They'd never admit it though, lol
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Haven't read any of the responses, but I'm telling you this. You do not owe your parents FUCK ALL. They brought you into this world and it was their responsibility to give you everything they could, UNCONDITIONALLY. If they can't accept the fact that you date who you want to, they can go fuck themselves.
They do not own you, and they definitely don't have the right to tell you who you can or cannot date. A lot of parents don't seem to realize that they don't have the right to tell their children what they can or cannot do anymore.
And second of all, why do you care? It's your life, not theirs. My dad is butting into my life constantly, and I shut up because as of now I still live at home, but when I leave for university this autumn he can go fuck himself because I'm tired of his constant need to know everything about my life. He doesn't own me, even though that's what he thinks, and your parents do not own you.
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On January 16 2011 12:44 PetitCrabe wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 12:34 Froadac wrote: Why don't they want you in civil engineering? Apparently, I'll never have a job, especially since the job is cyclic. Also, they say the salary (50k+ canadian $) is not a lot. They would rather see me become a dentist like my dad and have a 100k+ income. There is also the fact that, I think the title of doctor is somewhat prestigious for them. Thanks a lot everyone, my mind is a lot clearer now, I really thought I was weird for not following what they said.
Wow... there is nothing wrong with becoming a civil engineer. Your parents seem pretty unreasonable.
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On January 16 2011 12:44 PetitCrabe wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 12:34 Froadac wrote: Why don't they want you in civil engineering? Apparently, I'll never have a job, especially since the job is cyclic. Also, they say the salary (50k+ canadian $) is not a lot. They would rather see me become a dentist like my dad and have a 100k+ income. There is also the fact that, I think the title of doctor is somewhat prestigious for them. Thanks a lot everyone, my mind is a lot clearer now, I really thought I was weird for not following what they said. I don't want to be annoying and discourage you from what you like doing... but it's not the best career IMO. My dad is a civil engineer with a masters from vanderbilt. And he works for california, doesn't make that much, and finds it frustrating.
Essentially in the US (and I'm sure to a certain extent in Canada) there isn't much infrastructure being put into place. Just because of darn environmentalists etc. If you want to move to vietnam or something, it'd probably be a good job.
Essentially he doesn't like the job because you are dealing with politicians.
You can make more and actually do stuff in the private sector, but the jobs aren't terribly stable, and a lot of it is bilking the government.
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Yeah this is common problem. My parents are sámi/part sámi and they want me to date only sámi girls. And they are often quite ugly. FML.
Double trouble when I dated a Jehovas witness. Not only wasn't she sámi but her religion was driving my mother crazy. Things went pretty bad :/
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Asian parents.... a reason why i'm staying single woot woot, also because i'm only 16 and most girls in my school are bitches.
Anyways just ignore them, and tell them that she's half viet that'll some them = P
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My parents are Eastern European and they behave the same way in general. They are more concerned about me doing well in school than just about anything else. I think it may be any foreign parent's perception that their family has to succeed to prove they are more than worthy of living in a different community.
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I will never hear the end of "don't marry a Chinese woman" from my relatives. I've always dated Chinese girls except once.
This girl is half Vietnamese too, jeez.
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On January 16 2011 12:49 Froadac wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 12:44 PetitCrabe wrote:On January 16 2011 12:34 Froadac wrote: Why don't they want you in civil engineering? Apparently, I'll never have a job, especially since the job is cyclic. Also, they say the salary (50k+ canadian $) is not a lot. They would rather see me become a dentist like my dad and have a 100k+ income. There is also the fact that, I think the title of doctor is somewhat prestigious for them. Thanks a lot everyone, my mind is a lot clearer now, I really thought I was weird for not following what they said. I don't want to be annoying and discourage you from what you like doing... but it's not the best career IMO. My dad is a civil engineer with a masters from vanderbilt. And he works for california, doesn't make that much, and finds it frustrating. Essentially in the US (and I'm sure to a certain extent in Canada) there isn't much infrastructure being put into place. Just because of darn environmentalists etc. If you want to move to vietnam or something, it'd probably be a good job. Essentially he doesn't like the job because you are dealing with politicians. You can make more and actually do stuff in the private sector, but the jobs aren't terribly stable, and a lot of it is bilking the government.
I don't want to diverge of the main topic of this thread, but yeah this is pretty much the problem with civil engineering, BUT there will be a HUGE demand of engineers in Quebec when the recession will be over, which will hopefuly be by the time I graduate, especially if you consider the fact that 15% of engineers are retiring in the next 5-10 years.
Wow, I didn't know this problem was common. I thought it was oldschool stuff that you only see on shows like Degrassi... I guess that if most immigrant children have been dealing with this problem for years, it can't be that bad for me neither.
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On January 16 2011 13:06 koreasilver wrote: I will never hear the end of "don't marry a Chinese woman" from my relatives. I've always dated Chinese girls except once.
This girl is half Vietnamese too, jeez.
Your relatives have a point (in general).
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I never had this problem (my ex fiance was mexican) even among my highly conservative grand parents. But to speak to your problem it IS your life. If you end up marrying this woman then who cares if your parents don't like her? You begin your own family and don't need your parents approval. Honestly if my family was sooo opposed to a girl I want to marry then its their loss for me not being around, and I really love and like my family. Its just your life, sure they can give opinions if there is some legit complaint but a pure race issue like that? Just say you don't see that as mattering at all and leave it at that.
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It's not exclusive to Asian parents. Some parents just are that way. At the end of the day, a parent wants their child to be happier and more successful than they were. In doing so, they often lose sight of when their child is actually happy or successful, and have extreme ideologies as to what the route to happiness or success is.
You're an adult. Show this to your parents by following your heart, and not their demands. Show them you're mature enough to know what makes you happy without losing sight of college. When you send them a holiday card with you and your gf's picture and a recap about how well you in school last semester, they'll have to realize that you're happy and successful despite their prejudices.
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On January 16 2011 13:13 Tinkerbelle wrote: It's not exclusive to Asian parents. Some parents just are that way. At the end of the day, a parent wants their child to be happier and more successful than they were. In doing so, they often lose sight of when their child is actually happy or successful, and have extreme ideologies as to what the route to happiness or success is.
You're an adult. Show this to your parents by following your heart, and not their demands. Show them you're mature enough to know what makes you happy without losing sight of college. When you send them a holiday card with you and your gf's picture and a recap about how well you in school last semester, they'll have to realize that you're happy and successful despite their prejudices.
Once they see that little kid in your hands they will instantly forget about everything. Just pop a baby out real quick and you're back with your family.
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On January 16 2011 13:19 news wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 13:13 Tinkerbelle wrote: It's not exclusive to Asian parents. Some parents just are that way. At the end of the day, a parent wants their child to be happier and more successful than they were. In doing so, they often lose sight of when their child is actually happy or successful, and have extreme ideologies as to what the route to happiness or success is.
You're an adult. Show this to your parents by following your heart, and not their demands. Show them you're mature enough to know what makes you happy without losing sight of college. When you send them a holiday card with you and your gf's picture and a recap about how well you in school last semester, they'll have to realize that you're happy and successful despite their prejudices. Once they see that little kid in your hands they will instantly forget about everything. Just pop a baby out real quick and you're back with your family.
LOL this made me laugh so hard! I don't even know if you're serious or not... If I bring a baby home with our current relationship, my parents are probably gonna bury me and the baby alive in the backyard
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You're in the best school in Canada, in the best program, AND you have a girlfriend... I see no problem :p
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I think all parents are weird. Don't let your parents run your life. They are not the ones going to class and studying for you, so don't worry about it if they don't approve of your field of study. The same goes for the girl you're seeing. If your parents don't like it, tough shit.
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