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I stockpiled some notes for the past year on this topic. Decided to write some examples and share because why not.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/sWzeBn1.png?1)
Imagine you have 2999 MMR. Don’t know about you, but I would feel some anxiety going on to the next ranked game, because “I’m about to break through! Step away, RTZ, here comes the big boy! Awww yiss - no more “2k garbage” label on my lovely profile!” ...with featured Windrunanger in some Anuxies you bought from the market for $0.00055549 per feather.
“5 bucks well spent”.
There are severals ways how you most likely feel in this particular circumstance:
1) Excited
2) Indifferent
3) or Anxious
Depends on your mindset. So why would you be sad if you can be awesome instead? There is literally no way to get this one missing MMR point you want, but to play the game, meaning
you either
"a" - play, or
"b" - you never touch ranked again for the rest of your life.
So, in our imaginary situation you finally channel your inner xboct to man up and play the game.
And then you lose.
It feels unbearably bad because you just had 2999 MMR which, according to some trustworthy sources such as calculators, is almost 3000, and that means one and only one thing: “3k bracket”.
It’s not the number by itself, but the mental mark, the label: “3_ _ _”.
You were going to be proud as fuck, trying to deal with all that awesome excitement you would've suddenly experience, daydreaming lying in your bed what you would've tell your friends tomorrow at school, but then you got stomped and lost F_O_U_R_T_Y__E_I_G_H_T points because gaben.
“ It’s all ogre... “ Your lips silently move trying to pronounce these words, but simultaneously seeing 3 - 22 at the scoreboard can knock out the ability to speak from anyone.
“ Why he picked Ogre Majai? He lost 2 tier points in competitive value! These guys I’m playing with are so retarded, why can’t they just browse reddit 24/7 to stay connected with such things?”
![[image loading]](http://puu.sh/ft7Et/af9567702f.jpg)
But stop. Do you really have to worry about this ONE(!) point? Is one point truly enough to destroy your entire mental balance?
In short, yes - otherwise there would be no such thing as Ladder Anxiety.
But it is not about this specific point or situation.
Point is a point, and it only matters in conjunction with other points and only when you compare their collective value to the collective value of points other people have.
"- Hey, man, I play this game for 3 years and I have 87,984 Points! Isn't that cool?"
"- Sickcity, Tasteless, but how much is that?"
"- Dude, I just told you the exact number - 87,984, almost 90k!"
"- Well, so, you are, like, good at this game?"
Points have their meaning only in one specific system and only in comparison to other's people points. The "comparing" part is the purpose, the crux of such systems - to sort out the players and form a ranking table from that information.
The rank is a snapshot of representation of your improvement. It's not like you HAVE to be at 2999 - you can improve, with time, practice and patience.
You can't improve without time: improvement is a process, a dynamic. Think about Acceleration - you can't measure acceleration given only one point on the timescale. Acceleration is a change in speed: you can't see a change if nothing changes. You can't play "find all the divergences" with pictures if you only have one picture.
You can't improve without practice: invest your time and you will get something off that, otherwise - "nothing ventured, nothing gained". Just a side note - the quality of your practice is important, this may sounds retarded, but one might play guitar for 6 years and be like "F,G,D,A - I'm using these chords for billion songs and thus I'm really good at playing guitar. Oh, and I also know C, isn't I'm the greatest guitar guitarist ever?"No.
You can't improve without patience: actually you can. For like 0.001%. Significant, noticeable improvements take immense amount of time->practice and a lot of the times down the road you're going to feel frustrated, disappointed, anxious and even depressed. And that's fine: try to remember how did you learn something like riding a bike, or swimming, or driving a car. It's a process.
Once you've acquired those skills, you don't even bother anymore too much - you have fun. There is nothing like a number just above your head representing your MMR in fucking swimming: "Congratulations, you are now a 2541 MMR Swimmer". But if you are an Olympic contender, sure enough you'll feel the exact same anxiety, because now, at this level, your skill is measured by the stopwatch and being compared to others - you are in a ranking table. There are real stakes, real pressure you have to deal with, and you anxious that you might fail.
In Dota the MMR number represents one's ability to play in open public games played in All Pick with random people against random people who are either muted, or have to be muted in the first minute to preserve Muh_Experience, so does it actually matter?
Even if you have something like 7k MMR, which is virtually like having ten trillion dollars, it still matters not so much, because it is a freaking pub. You are not an Olympic (hint: TI) contender, just a pub player.
Ask any pro player what does he think about playing pubs:
“Well, pubs are important to maintain your mechanical skills and to play in chaotic environments...” etc.
Ask a pro player what has the actual value: a pub or a scrim?
"Well, pubs are important, but competitive daughter is not a pub, and during scrims you can practice actual strategies to see what works and what doesn't, to try out new heroes in the real environment..." etc etc something along those lines.
There is a reason why high caliber pro players sometimes trashtalk towards some loudmouthed teamless 6-7k player: they clearly understand that public MMR has no "real world" value and this is mildly irritating when that kind of a person starts to show his inflated Ego.
Oh, you don’t want to be a pro player? Just playing for fun, huh?
Then why would you even care in the first place about rankings at all - it just makes no sense.
![[image loading]](http://puu.sh/fvFJP/d30bec2de8.jpg)
The reason you care is simply due to your perception of a loss:
“I lost" = "I’m a worthless [insert rating] MMR player, playing with garbage muted randoms in trenches of the seabed who perpetually pull me down by their gravitational forces of their Egos that are so big they collapsed into Black holes”
Now imagine you have 3542 points - if you juxtapose both the circumstances (2999 & 3542) the pressure you feel is different in strength, which makes it interesting enough. In the latter one you're probably going to feel like:
“- Meh, whatever, let’s play some doughtuh zwei boyz”.
One rating point in this case does not matter: 3542 or 3543 or even 3544 (twice the difference!) - it doesn't matter.
Being indifferent is the key for leaving all the pressure behind and being able to play to the fullest potential freely using your critical thinking ability, experience you acquired for all those years and skill you developed as a player. Indifferent not towards the game, but towards points.
You surely love the game, that’s why you have the urge to play, but
“- The points, the damn points, I don’t want to lose! I've been on downward streaks before and it felt so damn horrible, and now, when I’m so close to my goal I can’t, I just can not afford to lose.”
Well, you will eventually either
"a" - play your next game, or
"b" - you are not going to play at all.
Hesitation is pointless and even deteriorating for your body: any feeling a person feels - is merely an effect of a specific chemical reaction. We are organic things, for now.
Anxiety is surprisingly unhealthy, due to exposing your body to Cortisol.
Cortisol is one of the hormones that’s being released in “fight-or-flight” situations, such as seeing a predator, or a hostile person with a gun nearby, or in pretty much any stressful situation you might imagine.
It is an amazing thing to have in our body arsenal, because it helped us, humans, to survive. And it actually helps other the mammals till this day!
The problem with this though - Cortisol is not supposed to be in one’s body for a long period of time.
It is designated to be released in a stressful situation and then leave, because Cortisol:
1) Shuts off one's immune system and growth,
2) Suppresses sexual desire,
3) Messes up one’s glucose metabolism,
4) Affects cognitive abilities.
Which totally makes sense, doesn't it: you don’t need all this useless crap when you have to run as fast as you can to stay alive.
If you've seen my previous blog post about the Attack-Defense-Economy correlations in games: Cortisol is THE representation of Defense in such system - it is body’s ability to protect itself similarly how VanSkor relocates out XBOCT out of a trouble.
And in both cases - it comes at a cost.
It’s not like I’m discouraging you from playing games, but this information might help to shed some light on what ‘Anxiety’ basically is.
The first step of any improvement is becoming aware.
Recognize the issue and fix it. You are a human being, and humans are absolutely amazing at problem solving, thanks Obama frontal lobe: that's why we have Internet and airplanes and space programs and games to waste our time on - it's awesome!
Corrections are welcomed, using pm is advisable to keep the comments on topic.
Cheers. /etofok
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Northern Ireland22203 Posts
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Very well done. So basically just play the game to enjoy the game and not to get fake internet points?
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I think its more like...play the game for the process, not the result. Your goal every game should not be to win and get points, but to improve your play. If you are grinding solo you are going to win and lose roughly the same amount of times, this is true for every single non-abusive player in the world, that's just the nature of pubs.
Play to get better, and eventually the MMR will follow.
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Russian Federation4050 Posts
it's not about points. It's about HATS.
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I guess the whole matter is so subjective that trying to put all the eggs in one basket is a major attempt at wrongdoing, but since we already took off, in my opinion, you missed the most important thing that ladder anxiety stems from, but everyone else trying to take a jab at the subject also misses it, so what do I know.
What's causing people to doubt themselves before the game starts is not that they might lose - it's that they might fail and there will be no way for them to deny it to themselves, if not to other people. The more impact your past mistakes have on you, the harder it will be to break through, and I think that's why reddit is so popular - 'cause the more, the merrier, even in failure. And it's not just failing to win - depending on your character, some or most mistakes that you immediately identify as your own misplays can sting quite strongly and leave a mark for quite a while.
All in all, I think those who feel ladder anxiety are of the more casual, social nature and no matter how much they claim they care about MMR, at the end of the day, any sane person will realize that caring about numbers like this one just because it might hurt your public image to have it low (almost like not having a degree for some people) is as pointless as caring about virtual items in WoW - so many people would scoff at nerds that dwell in basements grinding their gear, but they don't realize they aren't much better, not being able to overcome fear over the loss of some virtual points. Those who truly want to become good at the game - something that cannot be measured quantitatively in such a simple manner - won't have the same issue, they will be driven by their passion and discipline toward their goal.
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On February 06 2015 05:03 YourGoodFriend wrote:
Very well done. So basically just play the game to enjoy the game and not to get fake internet points?
But without fake internet points how do I brag to my friends?
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I suffer from some form of ladder anxiety, but not quite the example you listed, more like the opposite.
If I'm at 2999 MMR I would queue instantly and play the best game of my life. If I lose I'll keep queueing until I hit that 3K mark. And THEN the ladder anxiety starts.
If 3K has been my goal and I hit 3001 MMR, I'd be too afraid to lose it. That's just how it is, you can write 15 more essays on how retarded that is, won't change anything 
My account has been sitting at 5015 solo MMR since June, haven't played solo since the day I reached 5K. Largely because I quit Dota after getting addicted to Wildstar, but even if I would still play dota I wouldn't solo ranked. Can't lose those 5K bragging rights yo.
It was similar in SC2. Before they made the changes to bonus pool (which, by the way, were the most amazing changes ever for someone with my 'type' of ladder fear), I would play until I was top 8 Masters, stop playing altogether for as long as I remained top 8 - even if i had hundreds of bonus pool piled up - and only play again when people passed me and I was no longer top 8. Why? Simply because of the possibility that I would go on the most epic losing streak ever and despite having hundreds of bonus pool still drop out of top 8.
When I got to GM this changed because then you HAVE to play as you get demoted when your bonus pool reaches a certain amount.
The new bonus pool mechanic (only lose bonus pool, no actual points) is amazing for my ladder fear.
@makemeatt - I completely disagree with your entire post  I couldn't care less about failing, it is in fact all about the points
But again, that's just my ladder fear, there's several types no doubt.
I'm very competitive by nature. I think that's why I care so much about the numbers. Note that not playing solo ranked doesn't mean you're not trying to improve through other ways. You can play team ranked, online tournaments, scrims, etc. to improve your gameplay while not 'risking' your MMR.
And yes, I am well aware that the numbers/divisions don't necessarily relate to skill at all, but that's not enough to stop me from caring about it.
My 2 cents on my ladder fear 
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Northern Ireland22203 Posts
I kinda liken mmr to exam results - just like mmr represents one's ability to play all pick with random people, exam results represent one's ability to answer the questions on the exam paper, but isn't necessarily an accurate indicator of just how skilled you are
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Seems a pretty accurate analogy. On my maths exams way back I cared more about being able to flawlessly regurgitate proofs rather than actually understand them. The former earned more points
In my Oxford days I got top 3 results in compsci, but the people who got less points were definitely better compscis. Probably because I spent most of my time gaming while they were developing apps and whatnot. I just made sure I could ace the exams.
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I hit 3001 MMR, I'd be too afraid to lose it.
Can't lose those 5K bragging rights yo.
Great points, can't imagine playing a game if you would get like 8k - it's all about the mark.
The new bonus pool mechanic (only lose bonus pool, no actual points) is amazing for my ladder fear.
Yeah, my guess that's because your "rank" doesn't go down after a loss, so your brain goes: "Well, at least I'm still at top 25". When you look at the leaderboard in Sc2, which is only your division and you can't see other's people bonus pools - you feel more comfortable, simply because you don't see that.
And because you don't see the "bonus pool" you basically assume "bonus pool - pointless", which both simultaneously correct - because your rank is disconnected from that, AND incorrect - because when you win, your rank gets inflated by these bonus points. It feels like you cheated the system to me.
It's like they removed the "punishment" feeling after you lose a game and drop a rank or two, because you lose and do not drop in rank - that's brilliant.
"Ignorance is bliss".
When we had the first Diretide event (rip), they did show the items you are going to get if you win, but this very thing also means they did show the items you are going to lose in case you lose the match: people went full apeshit massretard.
I can clearly recall players screaming for their lifes "I'M GONNA LOSE MY MYSTICAL BECAUSE OF YOU RETARDS" and alike stuff. There were so much hatred.
After merely 2 days or so Valve disguised the "items you will get" window and everything went back to normal, fun gameplay.
There is this Radiolab podcast (Radiolab - Choice, the segment starts at 33:20) where they were researching gambling and tried to determine the number of how much people hate losing.
In short, they were asking random people "Would you gamble with me? We toss a coin: heads - I get your $1, tails - you get my $x".
People were generally dismissing the gamble until the 'x' crossed the '2' line, so they came into conclusion that people hate losing twice as much they like winning.
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This kind of stuff makes me wonder if I'm right in the head. I like playing so much i actually like losing even games too. I always think like "damn if only i played a bit better we could've won this". Playing a game that's lost from minute 5 annoys me tho. When i win a game most of the time im like "well that was ez".
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Just play 5stack, no pressure only fun rainbows and unicorns.
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Northern Ireland22203 Posts
On February 06 2015 18:55 Laurens wrote:Seems a pretty accurate analogy. On my maths exams way back I cared more about being able to flawlessly regurgitate proofs rather than actually understand them. The former earned more points In my Oxford days I got top 3 results in compsci, but the people who got less points were definitely better compscis. Probably because I spent most of my time gaming while they were developing apps and whatnot. I just made sure I could ace the exams.
exactly. and your degree classification in the end is what people are going to look at as a first indicator of skill
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its different for me.
if i lose 1 game i wanna win the next one rly hard.
losing motivates me
sadly i dont lose much, so my passion dies until my next loss then i binge play and the cycle continues
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This is one of the reasons I stopped playing ranked as a whole. I was so concerned with the points and avoiding losing, I was falling into a rut. I would pick heroes I felt I could win with, rather than focusing trying new heroes and growing my hero pool.
Right now I am focusing on random draft and just trying to fill roles and pick good heroes for the team, rather than focus on the win itself. Learning to play defensive heroes like Dazzle and Oracle better. Winning in great, but I can’t say that it makes your better just by doing so.
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I would pick heroes I felt I could win with, rather than focusing trying new heroes and growing my hero pool.
This is the right attitude because it's ranked I feel like.
If you pick like "whatever wHo caREAS xDDd" you have drastically higher chance of losing and therefore dropping in rank -> feeling sad because you lost MMR.
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On February 07 2015 00:34 etofok wrote:Show nested quote + I would pick heroes I felt I could win with, rather than focusing trying new heroes and growing my hero pool. This is the right attitude because it's ranked I feel like. If you pick like "whatever wHo caREAS xDDd" you have drastically higher chance of losing and therefore dropping in rank -> feeling sad because you lost MMR.
I think you are confusing "the right hero for the line up" to "hero I felt I comfortable with". Sometimes we would need a defensive hero like Dazzle and I would pick venge or ogre because I felt comfortable with those.
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Northern Ireland22203 Posts
On February 07 2015 00:18 Plansix wrote:
This is one of the reasons I stopped playing ranked as a whole. I was so concerned with the points and avoiding losing, I was falling into a rut. I would pick heroes I felt I could win with, rather than focusing trying new heroes and growing my hero pool.
Right now I am focusing on random draft and just trying to fill roles and pick good heroes for the team, rather than focus on the win itself. Learning to play defensive heroes like Dazzle and Oracle better. Winning in great, but I can’t say that it makes your better just by doing so.
I probably play 30 unranked games for every solo ranked game
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EPT
