Impure Thoughts Whirling Around in Her Head
This all started a couple days ago (it didn't carry on past that convo, but it was something that got me thinking) when my gf asked me a very suspicious question. I normally said, "I love you," because I do, and thats when the weird happened. She didn't respond with the, "d'aww i love you too," or, "I love you more ," that normally dominates the sweet responses, rather she said something along the lines of, "can you really love someone forever?" Now I was taken aback by this. Its a bit melancholy, a bit fatalistic, but most of all it was like an alpaca out of fucking nowhere. When she said that, of course being a fairly moderate kind of guy, I was honest with her; I told her that no one loves someone forever, but love is not the same for everyone either. Love changes for everyone, the difference between what we feel and what a married couple feels is much different. She responded with an acknowledgement that what I said is true.
Good thing I don't have to dance like that to get a gf, I'd never have one
I'm going to take a step back, for a second at least, before I go to the next things that were said. You can skip this paragraph if you are crunched for time on this lazy saturday. Love is not so simple that I would characterize it within 1 facet or even 1000 facets, but I know that love has darker sides. Love is not this pure Disney inspired tale, Love isn't just between a couple that loves each other very much. Love's darker side lays in jealousy and in infatuation. People get it in their mind that they want to try someone another person has, but they want to keep the solid relationship they have. Along with that, people want people that they see in real life that they find attractive; even when said person has a relationship that is solid, he/she may be drawn to this new person. I'm a stupid teenager, but I'm not naive. I don't mire in this pit of love poem induced feelings of euphoria, I'm not that guy, I'm not a fatalistic romantic.
Not exactly how love works
Continuing on, my girlfriend became very squeamish at this point. I forget exactly what she asked me, but the follow up to it, after me saying something along the lines of, "You can tell me anything, I'll never judge you," (which is actually not a lie, that is something I live my life by, tolerance) my girlfriend dropped a bomb on me. Now, it wouldn't be so bad had it not been something that I was just a bit afraid of. My girlfriend told me that she had been having impure thoughts about one of her cheer coaches. She told it had been happening for a little bit, and, after saying that, she said she only loved me. To be completely frank, she had told me that she was angry just a bit ago (I'd say probably 4 days before this or less) that she was getting hit on by this guy. She had previously thought that, since he had a gf and was not paying much attention to the freshman cheerleaders who clearly wanted to suck his dick, he was just joking with her to get away from the freshman cheerleades. After the freshman girls got jealous of him giving her the time of day, my gf thought that he wasn't hitting on her, rather he was actually hitting on my girlfriend. She was fucking furious about it at the time, but apparently that changed as she was fantasizing about him.
I told her that I was not angry. In truth I was, and am not, but I was a bit upset. I wasn't upset that she was fantasizing, because, as much as I would like to think I have the best body in the world, I just don't have a body tha compares to that guys. The physical nature is there too, since this guy is touching up all over my gf because he is a cheer coach so he does lots of gymnastics help. Finally, the guys is taller than I am, and so I'm sure the security part of a relationship is there. I understand that this can happen, but it happened just a couple weeks after she got angry at me for watching porn. Its kind of a stark difference there. Its like the difference between a Playboy magazine and 50 Shades of Grey. Its the same thing, girls and guys just like their sexuality in different ways. The thing is that I can't say don't fantasize in your subconscious, but she could say don't watch porn. I felt like it was a two way street. Further, I felt that I was even more upset when I talked to her about it and she said that being upset is part of the relationship. I never want to admit something that will make my girl upset, and yet she feels as if thats perfectly ok for me to go through the heart throb of me admitting something to her and her getting angry about it; whereas she admits something to me, I'm cool with it, and if it needs changing I tell her that she needs to change it but I don't get angry at her. I love her.
I should add that she asked me if I fantasize about other people. I told her that usually it only happens if I'm incredibly horny, but it does happen. She asked me who it happens about. I started to feel a bit violated, because I knew she would get angry if I said anyone in particular, and of course guys fantasize so it felt like I was going to fall on the sword. I told her about a girl that I had previously "dated" (by dated I mean she fell back on me, long distance relationship, for like a week and half while she got over a past bf) and I pretty much saw her boobs and that was it. Yet I felt so backed into a corner by this "revelation." I feel like she got everything got off her chest, but I was so stuffed up.
Silly Gaston, Grey's are for SadoMasochists
Before anyone in the comments reads that line and comments solely on that, or that my gf is a whore for liking some 50 year old cheer coach, I should say that this "coach" is about 16-17 years old. He is also one of those tall dark and handsome dudes, whereas I am not. I am not angry about this, every girl and guy fantasizes. Its nature, plain and simple. When someone new comes along, its hot sexy and you see that new person near every day, its bound to happen. I'm not going to speculate what the fantasizing was, I'm no voyeur. Also the porn thing isn't something I truly care about, but it is something that makes a great parallel, just like the 50 Shades of Grey vs. Playboy arguments that went on last year (it happened on radio stations around my city and on the internet).
Hint Hint, cheer coach is not this guy
Any thoughts TL? I would love to hear what you think about it. Thanks for reading . Also any experiences with gf's like this for me to draw upon?