"It's not over yet."
Most players dislike interviews. Some find attention from others nerve-wracking, others find it a burden to introduce themselves. However, one thing's for certain - when they're performing well, they tend to be quite happy to share their feelings of joy with others.
As such, when we went to the STX Soul practice room to interview Calm, his expression didn't exactly seem to be one of joy, what with the timing of the interview.
"I really don't have all that much to talk about right now, and I'm not doing particularly well... can I do an interview like this? In fact, yesterday I spent the whole day worrying about whether or not I was worthy of accepting an interview."
Even after Calm won a championship, there were very few opportunities to hear him speak about himself, the silence being even more profound as he suddenly slumped. Of course, that makes us even more interested in Calm. Why did he start underperforming after winning the MSL two years ago, what are his thoughts on the matter, and what are his dreams for the future?
Calm, a man of few words
One individual league championship, most wins on the team. He has stayed active in the Kespa ranking over the past two years. He's qualified for the individual leagues consecutively. No matter how you slice it, these are not professional results to be scoffed at. If you look purely at his resume, he's more impressive than his teammate Kal, yet we know significantly less about him, because of his introverted personality, and few words.
"It's hard for me to share what's inside me with others. That's been the case ever since I was a child - my outward emotions are rather reserved. Perhaps that's why when the media wants to interview me, I unconsciously raise a defense mechanism. I wory about what I can say, and what I can't say.
Maybe it's because he's a perfectionist - Calm is reluctant to expose his flaws. He always tries to show his best side to his fans. That may be the spirit of a professional, but that fans in fact really want to hear him say something.
"I feel that if 盧宏哲 [T/N: I have no idea who this is...] was forced to stay silent for 10 minutes he'd go crazy, haha. Honestly, it's just as hard for me to openly share about myself. I've never done so for 23 years, and it's difficult still. I guess that's why some find me hard to approach."
Calm knows himself too well. He doesn't permit himself to open up to anyone - how does this perfectionism affect him in everyday life?
His breakthrough 2 years
After winning the 2009 MSL, Calm was thrust into the spotlight. He was the highest paid player in the free agency, and had earned 40 wins in that season of SPL (4th). Many expected him to ride the wave of momentum, but he suddenly slumped, whether in the proleague or individual leagues.
Regarding Calm's fall, some people see it as the "champion's curse". Some even came to the conclusion that he had been merely lucky. But Calm himself doesn't see it that way. It's powerful, hearing it from his own lips. "My fundamentals aren't solid enough, and I just happened to do well when lineups were still released before the match".
"You know how brutally honest it is for someone who was once a champion, ranked fourth in the win charts, to say that he is lacking in fundamentals? Haha. My nickname is the "Brain Zerg", but honestly, it isn't a positive one. It means that I have to prepare hard for each and every match. After they stopped releasing lineups in advance [T/N: for those of you who started following BW recently, they used to release lineups in advance so players had like a whole week to practice specifically for their opponent, which is obviously different than the current system. If I remember correctly, it was changed as a response to the match-fixing scandal], I was unable to prepare for my opponents. It's the sad truth that I did worse after that. At the time, I wondered if that was as good as I would ever get, and it hurt."
"I never stopped giving it my all ever since I won a championship. I can say that with the utmost confidence. But I couldn't put up results. I was depressed. Putting in everything you've got but getting little in return can easily take a person down, but I told myself to keep on trying regardless. It's been 2 years hence, and I think I'm slowly finding myself again."
Over this period of time, Calm has been working harder than everyone else to improve his fundamentals. In the eyes of others, he looks like a practice partner. He completes the training regime ordered by the coaches, and is first to the practice room, last to leave, day after day. He tells himself that it is necessary if he's to break out of the bottleneck.
"That's how I practice today too. I feel like the results will start to show soon. The old Calm was somewhat respectable - I'll do my best to surpass that. I hope everyone will watch and see how far I can go."
"He could easily play into his 40s"
That's what his teammates say of him. Calm's self-discipline has been unrivaled by anyone before or since. He won't do anything that will harm his body. After finishing practice, he doesn't even watch TV. To replenish and recharge his tired body, he eats healthy foods and goes to bed afterwards - that's the key to his ability to stay in the zone.
"If you have no self-management skills, you cannot be a pro. I do what I do because I feel my body is different from that of others. 'Pro players are sitting down when playing StarCraft, and so it's not tiring' - that's a misconception. Practice takes a serious toll on your body. If you can't get your energy level back up you're unable to practice the next day. That's how I see it, and to extend my professional career, I do what I can."
In the eyes of others, Calm's self-discipline is "inhuman". But Calm feels that is necessary if he's to keep this up.
"A progamer in his 30s? If I can keep up my self-discipline, I could play into my 40s easily. Of course, my endurance and mind will weaken. But it's entirely possible, if I don't falter."
Hoping for a revival
Calm has a goal for this year - champion, both in the individual and team leagues. To those that believe he's finished, Calm says he's not done yet.
"There was a period of time where in addition to Lee-sang, Effort, Zero, and I (called the three Kims) received a lot of attention as well. Maybe they'll laugh at us now. Maybe they think I'm finished. But it's precisely at such times that you see a revolution. I'm not going to claim to do something amazing right now. But please continue cheering for me - someday you'll see Calm right up there with the rest of those legends."
Calm says he has the confidence to make it back up. He's still alive. He survived when 2v2 was removed and he transitioned to 1v1. When everyone thought he had no chance against Jaedong, he quietly studied strategy, and defeated Jaedong in a series. To him, impossible is nothing - it's all a matter of effort.
"I'm no genius. But I have the passion, heart, and tolerance that geniuses lack. Any of these three traits could bring me to where I am now. While I'm not at the top right now, I may be someday. My evolution is not yet complete. I will show my improved self in the future, so please look forward to it.
Source: PLU