On February 25 2012 13:41 wherebugsgo wrote:Breaking News Alert
I am running for President.Yes, ladies and gentlemen, your candidate this game is none other than...
me!But, many of you may be asking, who am I? Well, I'll tell you who I am.
Here on this forum I've long gone by the name of “wherebugsgo.” In fact, for years (since 1992 in fact!) I've been surfing the internet with this alias. But, what many of you may not know is that my real name is not “wherebugsgo.” Today, however, is the day you will all see the truth, and I shall lead you all to the light.
(1)Some of you may know me alternately as WBG. This is an affectionate short-hand name often used for me by people who are incapable of pronouncing full syllables; like babies, old people, and non-native English speakers.
(2) Many of you may not know, however, that it was originally coined by a dyslexic.
Yes, that's right. I'm dyslexic. I suppose you all know what that means by now-my actual initials are not
WBG. They're
GWB. You heard correctly. Let in the light. Let the realization wash over you. Are you excited yet?
(3)I know that may have been hard for some of you to learn. It was hard for me too. Don't worry though, dylexia is not contagious.
(4) This is my story. I was a wee little boy of 8 years old, and particularly difficult for me was third grade. I spent ten years in the God-forsaken land of Mrs. Brown's class because I couldn't read the first sentence of “James and the Giant Peach.” However, if I am elected, I will ensure that no boy, girl, or animal will ever have to be subjected to that torture! By my mandate, not one individual or corporate entity will ever be held back on the basis of illiteracy.(5) Instead, they shall all be left behind to be swallowed up by the bullies and larger companies.
In addition, I will bomb the living shit out of anyone who opposes our interests. I have connections in high places. I have intelligence that I can manipulate to prove that we are in trouble. We will kill them all, one by one if we have to. All you have to do now is believe in me.
At this point, I want your undivided attention,
(6) for I will be performing the miracle. I have shed some light on my past, and what I shall do in the future, but I have been living in secrecy ever since you elected a Kenyan to office. Until I show you the present truth, that terrorist will slowly kill us all. Today, I, your most beloved Texan, will return for a third term as
The Lord himself, Jesus President of the United States of America.Behold:
With that out of the way, I am currently looking for a running mate. If anyone believably claims Dick Cheney, he will be #2. Also, Al Gore can go fuck himself.
(7)God Bless America and
her gays(8)---I mean this amazing forum.
+ Show Spoiler [footnotes] +(1)Yes, the Christian kind.
(2)Also this guy:
(3)not that kind of excited, you perverts
(4)Unlike the disease of the devil, aka AIDS
(5)It shall also allow you all to guiltlessly continue playing mafia badly
(6)Also your money, since I want to bomb Iraq
(7)FFS never google this phrase
(8)Highly confidential military information finally revealed to the press: