EPTThis is probably going to be one of the last pictures of Shadow while she's alive.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/viXAJZx.jpg)
Shadow has been mostly deaf for the last 3 or so years, she's been having trouble walking, slipping on the ground and ending up on her behind, she's also had trouble going up stairs, but she managed. Once in a while, I would have to go help her out... She also has a few lumps over her body, which I tried to convince myself are lumps of lipids rather than cancer.
2 days ago and yesterday she peed on the floor which she never did before, so that's when we started thinking maybe something was wrong (even more than before). She's a 13 year old mini Shetland sheepdog, so she's already past her life expectancy. She has had a good life, so at least I'm not worried about that.
Later last night she walked funny, until late at night she tried to go up the stairs and kept falling down. At first, I tried to help her down, because sometimes she sleeps downstairs. For some reason, she was really determined to go upstairs, so she kept falling down the stairs until I brought her up.
A few hours later, I heard her falling some more, a bunch of times. I thought she was falling down the stairs, but she was just trying to stand up but couldn't get her behind up, the sound I heard was her being unable to stand up completely, and falling back down. I lifted her up because she was shaking from trying too hard, that way she could rest her back legs. She apparently peed herself when she was laying down too, so I had my arm covered in piss. Then I carried her outside and she started walking around couldn't go straight... she'd bump into things so I had to stay next to her so she wouldn't walk into the pool... That's when I knew it was her last night. She puked too, possibly from the strain or whatever.
I brought her back inside and she insisted on trying to walk for a while, so we baby proofed the house and blocked corners and stairs so she wouldn't bump into them and hurt herself... She never complained of pain or anything, but she probably has some sort of neuro problem... Her eyes are flickering from left to right like Pruitt Taylor Vince since last night... I also think her behind is mostly paralyzed, which is why she doesn't feel it when she pees, and would explain weakness in her back legs (which we noticed before but got much, much worse last night).
We're putting her down later today. Part of me wants it done ASAP because we can't know for sure that she's not in pain right now. She does look peaceful right at the moment though, but she has lost any autonomy, and it looks severe enough that we can't give it a few days. She is dying...
I'm trying not to wake her up because she seems to think she can walk and if I'm around her she'll try to follow me... but watching her trying to walk is just heartbreaking... this poor little creature doesn't understand what's going on.
When I took her out yesterday and saw her walking from left to right, my whole body was shaking, feeling like shit... I guess that even though I knew she was on her way out, part of me wished that it would be easier for her. For some reason, I couldn't imagine it would be difficult.
sounds like a good dog and you sound like a good owner. it's just time.
