• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 18:38
CEST 00:38
KST 07:38
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
Serral wins HomeStory Cup 2915Serral wins Maestros of the Game 243ByuL, and the Limitations of Standard Play3Team Liquid Map Contest #22: Results and Winners7Code S Season 2 (2026): RO4 and Finals Preview12
Community News
RSL goes to London! 2026 Offline Finals Nov 21-2212Weekly Cups (July 27-Aug 2): SHIN's big week0SC4ALL II: Brood War - $2500 - Dec 5-69SC4ALL II announced - $10,000 prize pool, Dec 5-64PIG STY FESTIVAL 8.0! (13 - 23 August)14
StarCraft 2
General
SC4ALL: II Talent Announcement! Protoss AoE skill expression August World Ranking: Clem climbs to #2 Balance hotfix patch 5.0.16b (July 16) Serral wins HomeStory Cup 29
Tourneys
RSL goes to London! 2026 Offline Finals Nov 21-22 RSL Revival: Season 6 - Qualifiers and Main Event Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament PIG STY FESTIVAL 8.0! (13 - 23 August) Tasteless Time Warp: SC Evo Showmatch (May 25)
Strategy
[G] Having the right mentality to improve
Custom Maps
Nexus Wars 2021 GUIDE [M] (2) Industrial Park
External Content
Mutation # 538 Media Blackout The PondCast: SC2 News & Results Mutation # 537 Hostile Territory Mutation # 536 Railroad Switch
Brood War
General
BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/ ASL22 General Discussion How FlaSh Nearly Forfeited MSL Finals being late Are you ready for ASL 22? NEW HYPE VIDEO BW General Discussion
Tourneys
[Megathread] Daily Proleagues 2v2v2v2 Tournament KCM Race Survival 2026 Season 3 Escore Tournament - Season 3
Strategy
Fighting Spirit mining rates Odyssey Mineral Stack Saturation Any training maps people recommend? Simple Questions, Simple Answers
Other Games
General Games
General RTS Discussion Thread Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Nintendo Switch Thread Diablo 2 thread ZeroSpace Early Access is Now Live!
Dota 2
Looking for a Dota Mentor Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
[TL LoL EUW IHs] Teemo shall perish TSM pausing esports and CLG Dead
Heroes of the Storm
Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug
TL Mafia
TL Mafia Power Rank TL Mafia Community Thread NeO.D_StephenKing vs This Guy From 1 Million Dance
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread Russo-Ukrainian War Thread Iain M Banks Says He Has Cancer And Months To Live European Politico-economics QA Mega-thread The Games Industry And ATVI
Fan Clubs
MarineLorD Fan Club The ShoWTimE Fan Club The herO Fan Club!
Media & Entertainment
Anime Discussion Thread Movie Discussion! Series you have seen recently... [Req][Books] Good Fantasy/SciFi books
Sports
Football (Soccer) Thread NBA General Discussion TeamLiquid Health and Fitness Initiative For 2023 Formula 1 Discussion MLB/Baseball 2023
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread Simple Questions Simple Answers FPS when play League Of Legend on laptop
TL Community
The Automated Ban List Northern Ireland Global Starcraft
Blogs
Are High-Level Gamers more A…
TrAiDoS
Cathedral Of CS And NY pizza a…
FuDDx
Please support my new stand…
Peanutsc
Hello guys!
LIN1s
ASL S22 English Commentary…
namkraft
Poker (part 2)
Nebuchad
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 3133 users

My Gamine

Blogs > ToKoreaWithLove
Post a Reply
ToKoreaWithLove
Profile Blog Joined September 2002
Norway10161 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-08-14 16:26:31
August 09 2008 00:24 GMT
#1
[image loading]

Picture by cine

My Marla. The mischivious women, girl and child. The stepdaughter of a suicided father, the dancer, alcoholic, drug user, smoker, philosopher. Marla drives drunk without a licence, takes whatever she can find, whichever boytoy is available or whatever life throws her way in the moment. We can solve the riddle of life in an instant only to lose it in the next. Marla is the perfect child of the modern age. A free soul, a strong exterior, a sad story, the ability to drink twice as fast as anyone. The inability to express love and the desire to do so coupled with the unforfilled need to be a child, a loved one, a unique person in a world where we are all born and live life as monkeys in a zoo, as monks in a monestary.

We are empty shells, forfilling our eartly duties to the society we have built, catering to our own needs to feel fullfilled. We chase money, happyness as Angelina and Brad teaches us, self-improvement to spend time with our kids. Kids who, like us, will grow up longing for Steve's apple-branded white toys, spend 15 years in school and 40 years working 9 to 5, live most of their life between 4 walls and searhing for the feeling of usefullness. Our happyness is created by paid robots whose own false joy is based on the sense of accomplishment a 6-digit salary and a red italian sportcar gives.

I could love Marla. In the Hollywood, walking hand-in-hand in high grass, kissing under the stars, sitting by the ocean kind of way. In the unfortunate ways of my sex, my eyes have since I was a child been groomed to accept one kind of beauty. I, in my semi-abstract awareness still find myself drawn to the californicated, fake kind of women with their perfect tans, teeth and boobs picked off a store shelf, personality traded for long lush hair, their ability to think long since removed by the clensing ever-destroying aftermath of white powder, green grass, pink pills, blue drinks, pointy needles. An accelerated life under the influence, expending the body twice as fast and leaving the soul stranded in the first slope.


* * *

I want to have a real conversation. No cell phones, music, tv, jokes, stimulants. I don't want to share the attention with anything, because I am selfish. The dying art of listening. The rudeness that we accept from every angle. It's normal. Your fucking cellphone has nothing to do in our time. Youtube should die along with somethingawfull, internet porn and cable tv. You never have as amazing a conversation as you do with a joint between your fingers. Give me your full attention and I will give the same. A lost art is just old and boring, however the ability to single-task is rapidly dwindling from our collective gene pool. We can't be bothered to remember even the names of the people we meet. We wake up naked next to people we never bothered to know. We need drugs to interact with our own species. It's 2008 and we are dying.

* * *

This is just a short sample from a project I'm working on. I'm looking for some feedback.

Thanks.

***
ModeratorFather of bunnies
ToKoreaWithLove
Profile Blog Joined September 2002
Norway10161 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-08-09 00:46:55
August 09 2008 00:45 GMT
#2
I'll specify a little. I'm looking for feedback on:

- Would you read more?
- Is it too much flower?
- Does it feel like something you've read before?

As it is now, I'm mixing things like these with a larger percentage of more direct writing and a real story.

Giving a rating is a good way to show what you think if you don't want to comment
ModeratorFather of bunnies
DoctorHelvetica
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States15034 Posts
August 09 2008 00:50 GMT
#3
Seems perhaps unrealistically angsty. Put contrasts of emotion. There needs to be happiness in the sadness, but the sadness has to win for it to be truly sad.
RIP Aaliyah
DamageControL
Profile Blog Joined July 2007
United States4222 Posts
August 09 2008 00:59 GMT
#4
On August 09 2008 09:45 ToKoreaWithLove wrote:
I'll specify a little. I'm looking for feedback on:

- Would you read more?
- Is it too much flower?
- Does it feel like something you've read before?

As it is now, I'm mixing things like these with a larger percentage of more direct writing and a real story.

Giving a rating is a good way to show what you think if you don't want to comment

Yeah it feels like a rant by a 50 year old, and you hear them all the time. I suppose I would read more to see if you are going somewhere
Liquid | SKT
L
Profile Blog Joined January 2008
Canada4732 Posts
August 09 2008 01:20 GMT
#5
- Would you read more?
Skipped to the end 2 lines in.

sry : (
The number you have dialed is out of porkchops.
GeneralStan
Profile Blog Joined August 2007
United States4789 Posts
August 09 2008 01:25 GMT
#6
I wouldn't read more. Its fairly shallow philosophizing and empty words about a woman we can't picture. You have some details about Marla, but in such broad terms that we don't get the feeling of the woman that you're trying to convey. Given that lack of connection, the language is too flowery, the emotions to grand, and somewhere along the lines I lose the impression that the narrator is a real person.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Shymon
Profile Blog Joined February 2005
United States620 Posts
August 09 2008 04:30 GMT
#7
On August 09 2008 09:45 ToKoreaWithLove wrote:
I'll specify a little. I'm looking for feedback on:

- Would you read more?
- Is it too much flower?
- Does it feel like something you've read before?

As it is now, I'm mixing things like these with a larger percentage of more direct writing and a real story.

Giving a rating is a good way to show what you think if you don't want to comment



alrighty first part, yes i would read more. You have a nice little existential naritive that has a nice flow to it. It's been done before alot, but it's done fairly well here.

too much flower? maybe, but that's a pure style call imho.

And i got to say oh hell yes does this sound like something i have read before. It sounds alot like the style of writing Chuck Palahniuk uses in Fight club. Add to that the fact that you use the same character name (Marla) as in the book, AND the picture at the top is a cover art for an album by the band that did the Movie version of Fight Club's Theme (placebo), AND you asked this question makes me think that Fight Club was at the least an inspiration for this piece yes?
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Next event in 11h 22m
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
ProTech87
RuFF_SC2 27
Dota 2
NeuroSwarm135
Counter-Strike
summit1g5831
Fnx 1280
Super Smash Bros
C9.Mang0244
Mew2King77
Other Games
Grubby2620
shahzam735
ToD278
elazer200
[ Show 15 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• Hupsaiya 101
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• Migwel
StarCraft: Brood War
• blackmanpl 30
• Eskiya23 25
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
Dota 2
• masondota21531
League of Legends
• imaqtpie3672
• Shiphtur444
Other Games
• Scarra806
Upcoming Events
Sparkling Tuna Cup
11h 22m
PiG Sty Festival
13h 22m
PiGosaur Cup
1d 1h
Replay Cast
1d 10h
Kung Fu Cup
1d 12h
Replay Cast
2 days
The PondCast
2 days
Replay Cast
3 days
CranKy Ducklings
4 days
Sparkling Tuna Cup
5 days
[ Show More ]
Afreeca Starleague
6 days
Rush vs Hm
Bisu vs Shuttle
WardiTV Weekly
6 days
The Patches Monday
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Proleague 2026-08-09
CranK Gathers Season 4: BW vs SC2 Team League
Eternal Conflict S2 Finale

Ongoing

KCM Race Survival 2026 Season 3
K-JUNGMAN
Acropolis #5
Proleague 2026-08-10
RSL Revival: Season 6
Esports World Cup 2026: LCQ
BLAST Bounty Summer 2026
BLAST Bounty Summer Qual
Stake Ranked Episode 3
XSE Pro League 2026
IEM Cologne Major 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 2

Upcoming

Escore Tournament S3: W7
CSLAN 4
ASL Season 22
Escore Tournament S3: W8
Acropolis #5 - TRS
Blizzard Classic Cup 2026
Acropolis #5 - GSA
HSC XXX
SC4ALL II: StarCraft II
Kung Fu Cup 2026 Grand Finals
RSL Offline Finals
PiG Sty Festival 8.0
Big Dog Cup 2026 Div 1
META DYMY #4
Thunderpick World Champ.
ESL Pro League Season 24
Stake Ranked Episode 4
Logitech G Connect 2026
SL StarSeries Fall 2026
FISSURE Playground #5
BLAST Open Fall 2026
Esports World Cup 2026
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2026 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.