EPT
not good enough
honestly?
why the fuck did you decide to talk to me again
i thought you were done with me
i thought this was over
you were right okay?
he fucking used me
abused me
and left
so great!
you can tell me "i told you so"
don't go all philosophical on me
you're the one who put the ideas in my head in the first place
the cutting, the pills
i would never have gone to that "dark place"
if you hadn't introduced me to it
i have scars halfway up my fucking arm
a few on the other arm
some on my legs
i held a bottle of pills in my hand
almost took them all
used any sharp object i could find, cut deeper and deeper
i've had to see multiple therapists
taking medication
"clinically depressed"
"anxiety disorder"
"borderline anorexic"
i've wasted too much money in therapy over you
i'm not going to waste even more
i'm not dead
so go on with your fucking life
honestly?
why the fuck did you decide to talk to me again
i thought you were done with me
i thought this was over
you were right okay?
he fucking used me
abused me
and left
so great!
you can tell me "i told you so"
don't go all philosophical on me
you're the one who put the ideas in my head in the first place
the cutting, the pills
i would never have gone to that "dark place"
if you hadn't introduced me to it
i have scars halfway up my fucking arm
a few on the other arm
some on my legs
i held a bottle of pills in my hand
almost took them all
used any sharp object i could find, cut deeper and deeper
i've had to see multiple therapists
taking medication
"clinically depressed"
"anxiety disorder"
"borderline anorexic"
i've wasted too much money in therapy over you
i'm not going to waste even more
i'm not dead
so go on with your fucking life
One month later, after a lot of talking, reconciling, and mending. I took her out to the Huntington out in Pasadena.
For those who don't know, the (private) park is home to a massive library, multiple botanical gardens such as the Japanese Garden, Australian Garden, Jungle Garden etc, and a museum of American and European Art.
It felt extremely appropriate, because she is what I would describe as a Renaissance woman, a lover of Art, Music, Theater, Sciences, and other intellectual interests. I knew she would enjoy it, and yet I was so nervous regardless.
As we were walking through the Rose Garden and pondering each roses names ("Sexy Rexy" "Everlasting Love").
"Wow this is the perfect date. (He) would have never taken me somewhere like this. It's such a nice change of pace, just to enjoy this beautiful park..."
"I never knew you were a flower girl."
"I didn't know either!"
We walked through the multiple gardens, and enjoyed the plethora of different scenery. As we were going through the Rainforest Greenhouse, her hair began to frizz out from the artificial humidity. We laughed.
"You know I think we're the youngest couple here."
"Yeah, that might explain why that guard is looking at us funny."
"Mmm... I think you're the only one I could come here with. Anyone else I know would have just been bored to death and just texting the entire time."
It was a warm sunny day, and as we were heading back to the main entrance to see the Art galleries, we noticed a white bench underneath the various tree's shades. It was in the middle of a vast green field, between all the gardens and staircases.
"It's so beautiful here. I could just sit here and stare at this place for hours."
"Ok."
We sat, staring at all the different trees and plants around us. At the birds chirping in their nests, the butterflies mingling in the field, at the bees pollinating the flowers. I don't know how long we sat there. We avoided each other's gaze.
"All of these trees look so different, they all have different postures."
"That one there is the grumpy old man with the straight back."
"There's the loose uncle, always drunk at Thanksgiving."
"Hahahaha..."
"You know, I wonder if this what it could have been? When we were still friends, shy about each other?"
I looked at her then, and just saw how beautiful she was... and how much pain she had gone through. I looked at her wrists, at all the scars. I took her hand and just held it there.
She looked at me. And then she looked away and closed her eyes.
We had both gone through a lot. But our "thing" had ended a long time ago, no matter how much I wanted it to happen again.
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault."
"Hey, want to go up now?"
"Okay."
We got up and started walking towards the stairs. My head was swimming and pounding. I let her go ahead of me when...
"Hey! Another bench. Let's sit again."
"What? Why again?"
"You look like you're about to pass out."
"Haha... yeah okay. Sorry just give me a minute." "Hey, I guess we're under loosy uncle this time."
"Ew that's creepy... haha."
"Hey, is your heart pounding because of me?"
We looked at each other. I didn't say anything. I was terrified about the next 10 words I might say. She laid down into my arms. I held her there, with the bees birds and butterflies watching.
"I have missed you so much. I had spent an entire year trying to forget about you. I tried to stop thinking about all those times we spent together, or those last angry words between us..."
"Do you still love me?"
"...Yeah."
"Oh. Good."
I took her by both hands as she stood up.
"Hey listen... I know I'm not perfect. I know I'm far from it. I know I'm going to probably make tons and tons of mistakes with you. I know that we're going to have arguments and misunderstandings between us. But I promise I'll do my best. If we want to make this work, we have to be honest and just make sure we're both comfortable with each other... We can take it slow, fast, whatever you want... Can we have a second chance?"
+ Show Spoiler +
As we were driving home from Lunch in Little Tokyo...
"Hey. Our hands are getting kind of warm."
"Yeah can we stop holding hands? I just want my hand to be dry haha..." "We can hold hands again right after."
"Hey. Our hands are getting kind of warm."
"Yeah can we stop holding hands? I just want my hand to be dry haha..." "We can hold hands again right after."
I'll be honest, I laughed when you said "Oh. Good." but not because of the story, it just reminded me of some of my spouse's antics. I really enjoyed reading this 5/5
