I can relate to alot of this, and admire your courage in putting it out there. In my experience the best way to deal with this is to really not be ashamed, put it out there. Worst thing you can do is act normal and just go zombie mode for the rest of your life.

JWD

United States12607 Posts

May 07 2012 05:37 GMT

Boes, you're still that guy who dropped out of high school to tour with your band. What do you want to do now? You can make it happen.

Tiegrr

United States607 Posts

May 07 2012 05:50 GMT

Wow, your childhood experience sounds a lot like mine. I just guess it's the environment trying to keep you down that makes us want to rebel so hard. I even went through a "I'm going to be a progamer" phase a couple years back, which dropped my grades pretty hard, but I've gotten over it.

Aphasie

Norway474 Posts

May 07 2012 06:08 GMT

I dont really subscribe to the "I shouldn't feel depressed, so many have it way worse than me". To me its a lack of understanding of oneself and society in general. True, there are far worse places in the world than those we live in, but depression (if you look away from the biological aspect - which also clearly defies that sentiment) depression is a relative concept. I know, I suffer from it myself. Depression is often linked to your standing relative to others in society and yourself. Like yourself I have also felt like the "center of world" and had huge hopes and aspirations. My depression however came from myself always handicapping myself and never truly giving my 100%, just because some stupid fear of my ego being shattered if i didnt make it. And my hopes and dreams (which were unrealistic in the first place) has been my burden to bear. But i dont carry around any guilt, because i have it better than others. 3rd world populations dont carry around with them the burdens we in the west bear: The world of endless possibilities, and hence all the chances unspent. It becomes an obsession if you start thinking that way, and it never really gets better. 3rd world people have other more pressing issues which wont get solved by loitering around or thinking about it. The sense of selfcontrol and being a "master of your own life" is through and through different, so no surprise we westerners suffer more from it.

Whoever said it was a "logical" illness anyway?

flamewheel

FREEAGLELAND26781 Posts

May 07 2012 07:15 GMT

I love you Boes~

supernovamaniac

United States3047 Posts

May 07 2012 07:54 GMT

</3

jk ilu

Smix

United States4549 Posts

May 07 2012 08:11 GMT

you know you can talk to me too <3
fighting papa boes <3 <3 <3

Boblion

France8043 Posts

May 07 2012 08:26 GMT

#10

Still looks more like a brag post than a depression blog ;D

Heyoka

Katowice25012 Posts

May 07 2012 08:30 GMT

#11

For whatever reason this really hit home for me. I have a pretty serious history with depression and the same cyclical thought always comes to me where I wonder how I could be sad, because my life is (objectively) pretty easy and good, which only serves to make me more depressed about not being able to be happy. It's a really horrible circle.

For what it's worth I'll always believe in you, you're a pretty incredible dude. It can be rare to find legitimately solid guys in esports and you're one of the few genuine dudes out there.

Heyoka

Katowice25012 Posts

May 07 2012 08:33 GMT

#12

also fucking write parts 2 and 3 of this series I want to know how the story unfolds

Boblion

France8043 Posts

May 07 2012 08:54 GMT

#13

Yea also you have to tell us why you left your band / music because your story doesn't make any sense.

1- I was bored in my small town
2- I was a musician touring in the US and having an awesome life
3- I'm back to being a "nobody" and being depressed.

wtf man 2 -> 3 needs an explanation.

Th1rdEye

United States1074 Posts

May 07 2012 09:11 GMT

#14

Your past 2 blogs had Minus The Bear song titles???

UltimateHurl

Ireland591 Posts

May 07 2012 09:35 GMT

#15

Thanks for sharing boes, just remember that nobody else faces the same problems you do with the same experiences you have, so you have every right to feel however you feel. And as JWD says, you've done things to be proud of, and can make stuff happen

paper

13196 Posts

May 07 2012 10:04 GMT

#16

boes, you're my favorite customer

niteReloaded

Croatia5282 Posts

May 07 2012 10:17 GMT

#17

Wow, I never would've thought you get depressed... At least you seem like the guy who doesn't give a fuck much about other's opinions, and does what he wants.

I wish you would share what your current dreams are...

Also, IMO, it really isn't important how bad anyone elses life is.
Using an analogy, it isn't important how fast or slow a car goes, the car will feel depressed if it knows it's not going its full speed.
So, an old car going 60mph may feel great, but your lambourghini going 50mph will feel depressed because it knows it can go 200mph. Then it'd be wrong to think you 'shouldn't' feel depressed because of that old car having it so tough.

ecstatica

United States542 Posts

May 07 2012 11:30 GMT

#18

I thought this was some KINGCHARLIE parody but judging by comments OP is genuine. It ends rather abruptly with weird pictures of tight clothing and clown shoes followed by ninja turtles and a list of tunes youd play at your cats funeral, but overall was insightful.

I guess going back to school is never an option.

Sephy90

United States1785 Posts

May 07 2012 11:50 GMT

#19

That whole "there are people worse than you, you have no right to feel sad" is such bullshit. If you feel sad then feel sad it's your right. This isn't a competition for fuck sakes I hate when people give you crap like that and you too shouldn't have that attitude because it's obviously not healthy if you're really depressed.

Anyhow keep fighting it man it's all I can do for you

<3<3

HaRuHi

1220 Posts

May 07 2012 12:46 GMT

#20

Did it ever occur to you that your dad didn't support the things you did because he did not want to push you in any direction you aren't really passionate about. If you say you only did those things in first place to impress him, well, might he felt your lack of passion and wanted you to find something you can be really happy about.

Loool, but I don't know nothing about your dad, so pls don't be offended if i misinterpred what I just read, interesting it was though.

edit: yodadic-grammar-problems

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