Well, since I quit playing SC2 my health and sanity has returned to me (seriously, all this game does is induce hyper-stress).
Now that I think about it, the above has nothing to do with this blog post. I guess I was trying to use it as a transition into the actual topic, but I can't be bothered. On other unrelated notes, Planescape: Torment is the most original, fucking fantastic game I've ever played; Michael Jordon wasn't actually cut from his high school basketball team; and I've been haunted lately by the idea that the universe doesn't exist without something sentient present to perceive it.
Also, did it ever occur to anyone that it doesn't make sense we can't get "outside" the universe? Literally every single thing can be examined and studied except for the universe itself. This actually reminds me of a computer system. Whatever program we create can't "escape" the system itself and study it. Take Mass Effect for example: an entire universe was born, but if you placed an AI figure into it (just roll with the idea), it would never, ever, ever, ever be able to escape and examine that universe the way we can examine an atom, for example.
I saw a feature on the Discovery channel about dark matter, and when they highlighted it in purple and zoomed away, the dark matter formed what resembled (to me) a brain.
So what if we're all just little bits of information? What if everything IS predetermined, ingrained and programmed? The universe shrinks to a single point and explodes outward forever and ever--but here's the catch: just like loading and saving and loading something again, the file is prone to erosion and error. We get deja vu because it's happened before. We see ghosts because of a glitch. The ideas of God and heaven and every other religion is just an ancestral memory from the hereafter. What kind of cruel creature would create something like that?
It doesn't make any sense. There are only two things that are impossible to imagine: death, and looking at the universe in it's entirety. In William Gibson's novel, Count Zero, one of his characters is obsessed with seeing the "shape" of the Matrix. So I know I'm not the only fucking person who's noticed this. There has to be something immortal about us, right? Life wouldn't make sense otherwise. Because one day I'm going to die, and frankly that scares the shit out of me; not the dying itself, but just not knowing it. My entire self just gone, and I'm none the wiser? It'd be like nothing ever existed for anyone, because I can't even perceive it. It's a logical fallacy, I know (solipsism), but I don't care, because it's both a fallacy and the one thing that makes any sense.
All I have are questions, and they're tormenting me. I'm the type of person that can't let shit go until I find an answer that can satisfy me. Anyway, what do you think?