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Part 1
As mentioned in the other blog I will hold a presentation about Progaming in South Korea in my english class soon (actually, next week's tuesday). The class is about presentation and doesn't focus on proper english, you just have to be understood properly, otherwise you lose points in that area, ofc.
For the final mark we have to hold a 10minute presentation in english with all the things we've learned about how to present.
So, as the subject was free to select, I picked "Progaming in South Korea".
Tomorrow we have to hand in a paper of about 2pages which will not be marked but be given to the examining board as our work of the class as oral exams have to be 40minutes to be counted as an exam. Hence we write this to hand in as the exam but the mark will actually be set upon our presentation.
So, I am not sure if all the facts are 100% accurate, I hope so, not that anyone there would ever notice, but for my own peace - if you will - I would be happy if you would point out any mistakes.
Besides that, just to share my work.
The text basically starts with RTS games and then the development and some facts about SK, couldn't fit everything into 2 pages, duh, so it's not too detailed and doesn't contain as much as I would have liked to include.
Here is the paper:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Ku3YiyecTn5Ce1iz3pklwpMkNLlYpdIjKlS7wVpQsDY/edit?hl=en_US
 
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I read it farily quickly, so I didn't pay attentio to details and grammar, but IMHO the introduction was too long: you should simply describe the RTS genre and say that BW was the best in its genre. You should also mention some iconic figures of the progaming community like Boxer/nada/... and say how they were/are popular in SK.
It seems a pretty good job to me 
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Just a skim read, but I think it would read better with some more comma-splicing.
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You use some odd wording here and there, but since its not necessarily about proper grammar but rather comprehension, its fine.
I would consider restructuring your essay/paper. Go from broad (RTS) to more specific (individual play). In other words, I would recommend starting with RTS in general (as you have), moving to Blizzard BW (you also did), then pro-gaming in general (i.e. the very start of progaming, in particular companies and Kespa), then leagues, teams, and last player specific things such as the necessity of ACE.
I wouldn't recommend putting in the part about MBC Game shutting down and three teams being removed, that is just too specific (and merely current events) for your paper. You want to talk about more broad things such as the necessity of team ACE.
I would recommend that you mention throughout your paper how pro-gaming in korean has affected the culture of Korea. As in mention Fomos, the fan cafes, Afreeca, how its broadcast, etc. Talking about pro gaming is cool and all, but the more important thing is to relate it to the big picture (in this case South Korea).
Pretty good summary overall, just keep tweeking it.
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EPT
