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jjun212
Canada2208 Posts
Anddddddd I pulled out my ol' winter jacket and for some reason there's so much static.. Like when I put it on, it's fine but when I take it off, I can feel the static... And when I touch a doorknob after, or my computer mouse, I get a shock.. =( Help please?!?!?!?!?  | ||
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ComaDose
Canada10357 Posts
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Dalguno
United States2446 Posts
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101toss
3232 Posts
^damp cloth | ||
GMarshal
United States22154 Posts
You have been subjected to the Curse of Static! Truly someone is out to get you. Worry not, however, I know exactly the rituals to remove such a perilous dilemma. First you must wait until there is a full moon, and the stars are in alignment, nothing too sophisticated, just make sure Venus is in the sixth house and that Gemini is not ascendant, by my calculations these conditions will be met sometime in 2030. Anyway, once the conditions are ripe, you must gather fresh violet blossoms in the moonlight, while chanting "For ESPORTS" over and over. Be warned, wearing clothes during this step will disrupt the flow of chi, and likely render the whole process worthless. Once you have collected the violet blossoms (not too many, about 3-4 kilos should be enough), you must crush about half of them and mix them with fresh goat blood and the crushed fingernails of a Minotaur (should be available at your local apothecary), then use this brew to draw a circle on the ground, and inside it draw the Nicodemian Octogram, take the other half of the violet blossoms and boil them, along with powdered newt eye and salamander teeth, boil for about 10 minutes and add a pinch of Hot_Bid's hair, and the sweat of a Progamer (add tears from Yellow's defeats for added potency). Then stand in the middle of the octorgam (which should be dry by now) and chant "By the power of boxer!" seven times, drinking from the brew you made every time you chant. This *should* free you from the curse of static. Side effects may include, embarrassment, dizziness, death, possession by extra planar beings, being considered a nut by everyone you love, and unleashing Ragnarok upon the earth. ((Or, you could do what other people have advised and rub it with some kind of cloth, but that's not nearly as effective or entertaining)) | ||
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