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Not really looking for sympathy but its hard right now.
1.) My girlfriend of 4.5 years left for college at the beginning of August and 2 weeks ago she left me be because I was depressed and am not happy with my current situation. What does that mean? I am 23, live at home, and go to community college. This community college offers partnerships with 4 year universities but I recently decided I do not want any of the majors they offer. I do admit that I took out some of my frustrations on her but I just feel completely lost and her only answer was well pick something else. No real compassion for me or my situation.
2.) I have no real friends other than her because all of my friends either drink all week/weekend or they smoke pot all the time. I am not saying smoking pot is horrible if done in moderation but these people hide from reality in it.
3.) I live in Northern Ohio and am having a hard time finding things to do that do not involve drinking or spending $40+ every time I want to go out.
I am so lost without her because there is nothing to do and no one to really hang out with that is my age. She was like me didn't smoke or drink and we could both talk to each other. I don't know what else to say other than I am so lost and have no where to really go right now to make myself feel better.
 
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Awww  It sounds like you need a friend there for you right now. I'm sorry to hear that though. Honestly I wish I could help you out a bit but being on the other side of the world isn't particularly constructive.
I'm not even sure what to say about your girlfriend, 4.5 years is a really long time and it is hard to break up after a relationship has gone on that long. It become a habit, being with that person. And well, I know what you mean about not having friends that are sober, ever.
I do hope things cheer up for you. It'll take time and pain, but things will slowly come right again.
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Sounds like you want her to solve your problems and she was tired of being your answer/feeding your dependency. Be more self-reliant.
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On December 07 2011 02:14 Chef wrote:
Sounds like you want her to solve your problems and she was tired of being your answer/feeding your dependency. Be more self-reliant.
I never asked her or anything to solve anything for me. Unless asking peoples opinions means asking them to solve my issues.
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United States71 Posts
I live in Northern Ohio =O Are you near Sylvania/Toledo?
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Instead of wallowing around in self pity, do something about it. If you are depressed and not happy, be proactive about it. It also sounds like you're one of those guys whose life revolves around the girlfriend. I had a relationship like that and when it was done, I found myself in a similar situation. Use the breakup as a catalyst for change. Join a gym, try something new. Maybe join a beginner league for squash or racquetball. Being active will reduce your depression while getting you into better shape, feeling better about yourself, and meeting new people.
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On December 07 2011 01:55 thane wrote:
I am 23, live at home, and go to community college. This community college offers partnerships with 4 year universities but I recently decided I do not want any of the majors they offer. I do admit that I took out some of my frustrations on her but I just feel completely lost and her only answer was well pick something else. No real compassion for me or my situation.
So you're not satisfied with just doing community college, but don't like the majors offered by their university partners.
What other advice is there than "well, pick something else"?
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Sounds like you've been not filling your life with enough stuff, or how to say it properly. If she was your everything you've done something wrong, life should be about something more then just a girlfriend and feeling bad for a situation.
As Dknight suggested, try new stuff really, something is bound to be in your liking
Sry for the bad english really, to tired to translate properly T_T
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Go for a walk. It helps I promise.
Problem is it always rains in Ohio.
maybe skate?
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On December 07 2011 04:16 Dknight wrote:
Instead of wallowing around in self pity, do something about it. If you are depressed and not happy, be proactive about it. It also sounds like you're one of those guys whose life revolves around the girlfriend. I had a relationship like that and when it was done, I found myself in a similar situation. Use the breakup as a catalyst for change. Join a gym, try something new. Maybe join a beginner league for squash or racquetball. Being active will reduce your depression while getting you into better shape, feeling better about yourself, and meeting new people.
I do Brazilian jiu jitsu but with school its hard to find the time and I have already had a gym membership in the past. The racquetball is interesting only 3 local places though. I honestly cannot wait until next fall when I leave to Bowling Green. She wasnt completely my world but with everyone around me only wanting to drink or smoke its hard to find someone else to do things with. I did play SC2, do jiu jitsu, go to college, have a 30 hour per week job, go to study group for classes. I just genuinely could find no better thought in my mind than spending time with her.
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You can sulk or feel depressed, lost etc and it's fine. Don't try to push these feelings away by force. Don't ignore them either, though. They tell you something that words cannot so let them be honored, give them necessary attention and you will understand them. You can learn a great deal about yourself this way.
Know, however, that you don't have to feel this way when you don't want to. It's a choice. Also, there are always things you can like. Look for them and if you want, you will find them. Play some Starcraft, listen to something you like or go and talk to some nice girl as if nothing happened - this kind of stuff you can do.
You don't really need anyone to hang out with either, unless, of course, you fall back on your standards of living and insist that it's necessary. You just entered a different stage in your life. You can look for reasons why this sucks so much but you can also look for opportunities and how they enable you to change your life for the better.
There are those unpleasant aspects of her leaving but it brings change to your life. You can always reflect on your relationship and understand her reasons better. This only shows you were dependant on her. Now you don't have to be. Maybe there are things you could love doing but you never tried them because of her. Maybe there are girls to meet that you wouldn't otherwise. Maybe it's an opportunity to have some time with yourself. It's not necessarily completely over with her, too. You decide.
Didn't want to sound like a life advice guy but maybe you will find some of it helpful. Cheers !
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My teacher told me something about relationships I hadn't really thought about before but is really smart. She said real, good relationships are between two, whole people. None of that 'you complete me' bullshit, no one wants to be with a part of a person. I think you just need to work on you, be happy with yourself and your accomplishments and do what you want to do and work hard for your goals. She actually sounds a lot like me, for instance my gf goes on about somethings that only she can change/fix/etc and I just say 'then go do it' or something similar trying to motivate her. I'm not usually the type to coddle her when things get tough, that's when I think we need to work hard to figure out how to make things better, not sit around and bitch about how poor our lives are.
But I digress. I know it's hard breaking up with someone you've been with for so long and my analysis of what's going on could be really far off - all I have is what you said and my own opinion with limited facts.
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EPT
