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Hello everyone! I was just reading this thread, and it got me thinking. I share a lot of the same issues as this person. I'm 21 years old, very lazy, have essentially no life, one RL friend and a few on the net, no job or college prospects, and am going nowhere fast. I too live in a room surrounded by old, empty food containers and cutlery. My mom is paid a monthly check by the gov't and that is how we survive, even though she barely has the money to scrape by alone. When I take a step back from it all, it makes me sick. I'm an adult now, this needs to change.
The reason I'm making this blog is twofold, first simply making any form of public announcement about my bad habits and lifestyle choices stings, and makes me really acknowledge what I've become and my problems, even if it's to a faceless internet forum like TL. I'm at a point where I can accept it, and am ready to deal with it. Second, I'm pretty scared honestly, the thought of 'growing up' is still something I haven't wrapped my head around. I have no idea how to approach this situation.
I've floated through life doing nothing but smoking weed, playing video games and leeching off of friends and family around me as much as possible. I've quit smoking weed, I've been clean for the last eight months. I'm starting to see my world much clearer now, just so you know I've been smoking since I was 14. I'm not blaming the weed for being who I am in totality, it's just helped me not care about who I knew deep inside I was becoming.
I'm 5'1'', weight 260 lbs., and have a rare genetic form of rickets which makes my body not assimilate calcium and vitamin D properly. My legs are very bowed and I can't walk straight. It is uncomfortable to walk past a quarter mile, and standing for more than an hour leaves my hips burning. This has been a psychological demotivator to do anything other than sit on my fat ass and play video games. There exists this strange fear of the pain I've become accustomed to, I avoid it at all costs. This has essentially destroyed my life, and all the problems I face are symptoms of this. My body could be much better if I trained it.
My family members that also have this condition all do very well for themselves, my aunt owns a pretty successful accounting firm in LA, my cousin is close to completing his masters in Philosophy, my mother was the most successful Buyer/Seller of goods for the aloe vera refinery company Forever Living Products in the United States. My mom became addicted to meth 12 years ago after her divorce from my dad. She's nothing like she used to be and now lives in this small apartment, smoking weed all day and trying to rebuild what she can of her life after recovering 3 years ago. My grandfather has owned and sold many successful accounting firms since the 60s, graduated from Harvard and is now a millionaire, despite not being able to walk because of some fucked up experimental surgeries in the 40s.
My point is that my family does very well for themselves, but I'm the black sheep in this. I've accomplished nothing. I need help becoming more, and I really do want more for myself. Some of you must be familiar with specific parts of the factors surrounding my life, and I'd like to ask, how did you deal with it?
Man, that's a load off. Thank you for reading.
  
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Sounds like you really want to make a change; best of luck. Try starting small and don't get discouraged. Focus on holding down a job, or your weight, or cutting down your time on video games, do one and then build on that. Better yet, ask the people around you for some advice. Tell them you want to change and ask the people that know you best, what they think you should do first.
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I don't know how serious your condition is but I recomend getting a job. Literally any job. Having a rubbish job makes you think 'nagh this is rubbish I want to do better than this'. It will force you to interact with people which will help your social skills and hopefully give you a bit of confidence.
Also anything serious like taking a course or propper education to try and get a better job is gonna cost you money and you can't just mouch of your parents forever. If you don't want to commit to education then maybe get a job and try and save up for a car. At least you'll have a bit of fredom then.
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I'm going to echo what ~ava said, take it slow and focus on little steps. It's good to have high goals but if you don't focus on the small day to day improvements in your life you will get discouraged and probably start to feel hopeless. The hardest part is getting started. Once you get a job and start taking better care of yourself the momentum starts to build. GL HF.
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Don't live life looking for excuses to cover for your mistakes. Live life to improve yourself regardless of any hiccups along the way. You've already started on this in posting this thread, showing you can identify the hiccups and have worked to improve. Don't be too worried about people in your family, they have found their goals, and have found their way of dealing with their problems while progressing towards their goals. You'll get there too if you don't waste all the energy making excuses for yourself  (i don't mean this to say that it's what you're doing, rather just what a lot of people generally seem to do in life)
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I've had a pretty fucked up life as well. And a teacher of mine showed me the light in highschool. My mom was killing herself, dad was in prison, sister just died, brother was injured in Iraq, I was making poor grades, and I didn't give a fuck about anything. I admired him because he was an atheist and open about it publicly in our small school system. I used to get passes out of class just to go talk to him because he was the only father figure I really had. He made me realize something one day that I've never forgotten and it completely changed my life around.
All of the problems happening to me were out of my power, but the way I responded to them was completely up to me. No matter how grim your world is, you can create positive change. You said your "fear" of the pain has mentally crippled you from moving, that fear is under your control. You said you want to work out and get a better body, don't just say it, do it. All it takes is you getting up, that's it. Everything is in your hands. If you truly want to change, you can persevere through almost anything. Goodluck!
It worked for me, I'm now following my dreams composing music and going to school. My highschool GPA was 1.9. When I realized my mistakes my senior year, I worked my GPA to 3.9, SAT 2200.
You can do anything.
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You grow into this "being an adult" thing, but you have to make a start somewhere. If you really think this genetic defect is one of the main reasons for it all, then look at your relatives who seem to get by regardless of this condition - what I want to say is: it can be done and you should not be afraid of something that can be worked around. Get a job, move out, eat healthy, start working out (maybe first with swimming/cycling?), make plans and stick to them (for all of the aforementioned)... just some general suggestions. For myself, I have discovered that routines are important for me. I need structure to get shit done I normally wouldn't get done if there was no actual pressure. So you have to set boundaries for yourself and get used to them - self-conditioning is important.
If you are only able to write about how your laziness controls you and how this makes you unhappy, you are essentially unfree. So free yourself by actually changing what bothers you and I assure you, you will feel better. It also often looks more gruesome and terrifying beforehand, afterwards you wonder what kept you in this state for so long. Good luck!
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There exists this strange fear of the pain I've become accustomed to, I avoid it at all costs. This has essentially destroyed my life, and all the problems I face are symptoms of this. My body could be much better if I trained it.
Can I add that I emphaphise with this to quite a degree even though my leg issues which I'm sure everyone is sick of me moaning about in various threads for the last year or so is probabbly no where near as bad as yours. But when my legs bad and feel like shit, I feel like I'm worthless and I can't do anything. My legs screwed yeah but theres nothing wrong with the rest of me I have no excuse not learn some Korean or do something useful. But instead I just got (hopefully not still get) depressed drink a shit load and moan. Its so easy to get into this cycle and I want to just say I understand.
My leg will eventually get better and has felt surpisingly good this last week leaving to an odd situation where all my co-workers have been really tired and grumpy because its the first full week back at school and I have been really hyper active and happy just because my mood directly represents my condition of my leg and no other factors in my life at all.
So if we look at this properlly I didn't get over my condition I just remained depressed and hating life untill it got better and only then did I start to feel better about life. You need to some how over come this on your own. Which is gonna be a lot harder. But as you said the illness may not go away but you could still be in better condition. So maybe start trying to eat healthier and do a small amount of excercise to try get into a better condition. Then maybe you can start to build some confidence about how much better you feel about your self.
My orginal advice still stands getting a job will be very healthy for you , but if that doesn't imedately happen don't just give up try and sort your health out too. The smallest step, walk to the end of your road or something everyday and then try walking just a little bit further each week.
edit - The guy above said swiming. I like this is swiming an option? is there a pool nearby you could get too?
2nd edit - xLethargicax congrats on sorting your high school life out I don't fully understand Amercian GPA (its out of 5 right?) but that sounds impresive ^^
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On March 14 2011 21:29 ~ava wrote:
Sounds like you really want to make a change; best of luck. Try starting small and don't get discouraged. Focus on holding down a job, or your weight, or cutting down your time on video games, do one and then build on that. Better yet, ask the people around you for some advice. Tell them you want to change and ask the people that know you best, what they think you should do first.
I agree with this, has seen friends climb up from the same situations as you.
Start with something small, like go to the gym (or swimming pool might be better in your case?) and do some training twice a week. Or look over what you eat/your sleeping schedule. Personally i would suggest starting with taking care of your personal hygine and surroundings (keep yourself, your clothes, your home and your dishes clean and fresh at all times).
Look at one thing in your life, just one, and focus on getting that one thing sorted with a steady routine. Once you have that down, and do not rush to the next one it is okay to go slow if you are serious about turning your life around, add another thing. And then another thing. And when you feel like you are at a point where you are actually funtioning normally look for a job, might be best to even start with a part-time one.
I do not think there are any revelations or magic turn-abouts, but wanting to change and admitting it are great way to start. And yeah if you have friends/family that are able to help you do not be afraid to ask for help, but be honest about it and do not try to sell it like suddenly you are turning into a model citizen.
Best of luck!
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France12 Posts
Hi guy!
You seems to have quite a lot of difficulties in life 
As far as i can tell, the biggest issue to change is to do the first step. Most people will think about changing something in their life for years, but will never do it because they're scared.
But as soon as you start, you realize that it was not that hard actually. Perhaps you can rely on your experience stopping weed. What is that hard ? How did you manage to start this change ? What did that involve mentally ?
Anyway, best lucks to you, and i just quote one of day9 daily's here :
"Don't think before you do something, just fucking do it !"
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Vatican City State2594 Posts
Good luck man, stay strong and stay motivated!
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Good luck. I would recommend not making too many ambitious changes at once, because it's easy to give up and relapse. Rather, make a few small steps and absolutely stay focused on them. Some people have suggested getting a job. Also, I would clean up your room/surroundings and clean everyday. It can make a big difference. And if walking is tough could you pick up swimming or biking possibly? Some form of exercise (but not too much at once) would definitely be good.
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I'm curious, what treatment are you doing for your vitamin d resistant rickets?
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On March 15 2011 00:35 DND_Enkil wrote:Show nested quote +On March 14 2011 21:29 ~ava wrote:
Sounds like you really want to make a change; best of luck. Try starting small and don't get discouraged. Focus on holding down a job, or your weight, or cutting down your time on video games, do one and then build on that. Better yet, ask the people around you for some advice. Tell them you want to change and ask the people that know you best, what they think you should do first. I agree with this, has seen friends climb up from the same situations as you. Start with something small, like go to the gym (or swimming pool might be better in your case?) and do some training twice a week. Or look over what you eat/your sleeping schedule. Personally i would suggest starting with taking care of your personal hygine and surroundings (keep yourself, your clothes, your home and your dishes clean and fresh at all times). Look at one thing in your life, just one, and focus on getting that one thing sorted with a steady routine. Once you have that down, and do not rush to the next one it is okay to go slow if you are serious about turning your life around, add another thing. And then another thing. And when you feel like you are at a point where you are actually funtioning normally look for a job, might be best to even start with a part-time one. I do not think there are any revelations or magic turn-abouts, but wanting to change and admitting it are great way to start. And yeah if you have friends/family that are able to help you do not be afraid to ask for help, but be honest about it and do not try to sell it like suddenly you are turning into a model citizen. Best of luck!
CLeanliness and hygiene is a huge factor in getting off your ass. If your house is a mess all the time your mind will feel cluttered just because of your surroundings and you wont be able to focus and get moving. I have noticed this first hand that when i clean my whole house and do the dishes i can think clearly and I have a good idea of what's next on my agenda for the day. its also something to do, a goal to keep that you can be consistent on. If you can clean your house you can talk a walk, if you can take a walk you can eat some more broccoli etc.
One step at a time, i recommend cleaning your whole house top to bottom and throwing out shit you dont need or want and getting a good environment to wake up to.
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On March 15 2011 02:18 guN-viCe wrote:
I'm curious, what treatment are you doing for your vitamin d resistant rickets?
I used to take rocaltrol and k-phos. When my family got poorer I started taking massive vitamin D gels. Nowadays in my situation I have no insurance and can't afford it, so my bones get worse and worse because of it. I'm only 21 though, and it's still possible for me to get around, I just don't. Also, I was supposed to have the straightening surgery to align my legs/hips better, but I was so afraid of 'learning to walk again' and the pain I would endure that I missed my shot, I could have had it for 100% free.
On March 15 2011 00:39 Ikkyu wrote:
Perhaps you can rely on your experience stopping weed. What is that hard ? How did you manage to start this change ? What did that involve mentally ?
Anyway, best lucks to you, and i just quote one of day9 daily's here :
"Don't think before you do something, just fucking do it !"
It was a combination of a few different things. I saw how weed was affecting my ability to think, and funnily enough how it was affecting my performance in video games. Also, when I wasn't playing video games while high, I couldn't shut up all the negative thoughts in my brain. They would just swirl around in there, a hurricane of self-loathing, I couldn't take it anymore. When I'm sober I can repress such things. As far as quitting goes, when it came to that point it wasn't hard at all, I just said 'no more.' and stopped. I did the same thing with cigarettes shortly after when I saw how much they were messing with my lungs, and how much a pack a day was sapping my mom. That quote is pretty awesome, I love it!
Thank you everyone! This was really helpful and inspiring. A lot of great suggestions came of this. Like all of you said, I'm going to start small, first step is cleaning everything around me and keeping it clean. I'll post again in a week, in an effort to keep myself honest. Love you all!
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Getting some exercise is going to be a major challenge for you. Consider getting some of these bad boys to do some cardio at the computer or with your hands behind the TV. Even if you're on a low resistance, anything that raises your heart rate over a significant period of time will do wonders for your cardiovascular system and metabolism.
You quit weed and cigarettes which will obviously help your overall productivity, but landing a job might be real tough if you cant stand/walk around for a normal amount of time. While I agree with the idea of "don't think, DO", you've got to remember that "doing" won't change you're life over night. Take things slowly and consistently.
Working out will do absolute miracles for your state of mind. This can not be overemphasized enough. When you're obese, it's food that gets you going and excited in a love/hate kind of way. Exercise can fill the exact same love/hate roll and will obviously be much better for you.
I realize that I'm only focusing on one aspect of your predicament, but from a formerly obese guy himself, there's really not enough good things I can say about how exercise will turn your life around.
Best of luck.
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If your Grandfather is a millionaire and you've cleaned up your act can't you ask him for a job? I mean basic work doesn't require anything but a bit of elbow grease.
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not to be a dick... but your 5'1" and 260... maybe this is the reason you feel pain after walking/standing for a long period of time... IDK seems like your using some sort of ailment as a crutch for shitty eating/diet habits.
I mean I am a fatass too at 5'8" 220.. I am in NO position to tell you you how to live.. but I am not a marshmallow by any means.. I have played competitive sports including football my whole life... i look like a pudgier incontrol who has stopped working out, and shorter... but still I recognize that i am a fatty, maybe you should too since you are going through the rest of this self recognition.
Also, I am glad that you realize being 21, with absolutely nothing going for you, leeching off of people and continuing to do so without any sort of plans for the future is sooo incredibly bad that you have decided to get out and do something... anything. even working at a mcdonalds from 18-now would have been 10000x better investment than sitting on your ass playing video games for 3 years.
Also sounds like your mom has issues and you need to move out of there... it's sad that she had drug problems, and still smokes weed, but seriously there is no reason to drag yourself down with that situation.
Get out and do something, good luck. I am 21, in school, graduating next year with an english major and have no fucking clue about the direction of my life either... so don't feel like your too alone in this.
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EDIT: accidental messed up post.
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On March 15 2011 10:25 mnofstl007 wrote:
not to be a dick... but your 5'1" and 260... maybe this is the reason you feel pain after walking/standing for a long period of time... IDK seems like your using some sort of ailment as a crutch for shitty eating/diet habits.
I mean I am a fatass too at 5'8" 220.. I am in NO position to tell you you how to live.. but I am not a marshmallow by any means.. I have played competitive sports including football my whole life... i look like a pudgier incontrol who has stopped working out, and shorter... but still I recognize that i am a fatty, maybe you should too since you are going through the rest of this self recognition.
Also, I am glad that you realize being 21, with absolutely nothing going for you, leeching off of people and continuing to do so without any sort of plans for the future is sooo incredibly bad that you have decided to get out and do something... anything. even working at a mcdonalds from 18-now would have been 10000x better investment than sitting on your ass playing video games for 3 years.
Also sounds like your mom has issues and you need to move out of there... it's sad that she had drug problems, and still smokes weed, but seriously there is no reason to drag yourself down with that situation.
Get out and do something, good luck. I am 21, in school, graduating next year with an english major and have no fucking clue about the direction of my life either... so don't feel like your too alone in this.
I stated my weight because it's part of the equation. My body has always hurt and been unable to withstand average standing/walking amounts. I began overeating when I started high school, prior to that I was a proper weight and suffered the same issue, though to less extent.
On March 15 2011 09:11 Lexpar wrote:Getting some exercise is going to be a major challenge for you. Consider getting some of these bad boys to do some cardio at the computer or with your hands behind the TV. Even if you're on a low resistance, anything that raises your heart rate over a significant period of time will do wonders for your cardiovascular system and metabolism.
Getting my weight under control is a big issue here too, as it will obviously increase my quality of live. As others have suggested, low resistance is the way to go for sure.
Thanks for posting!
On March 15 2011 10:09 Hynda wrote:
If your Grandfather is a millionaire and you've cleaned up your act can't you ask him for a job? I mean basic work doesn't require anything but a bit of elbow grease.
He lives 1700 miles away, is retired, and I'm pretty estranged from him. The whole family doesn't really talk to him, and he doesn't talk to us. He essentially abandoned this part of the family when he divorced my grandmother, re-married and converted to Judaism. You have a valid point of course, I'm thinking once I get some of the simple daily habit stuff under control, I'll ask him for his advice and what he may have to offer me. I know somewhere inside he loves me, and wants the best. Thanks for posting!
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